turning grapes into wine

Strangely Dim

2011-12-21T20:48:00.008-06:00

Sometimes I just cry when I go to church. You know. Just sitting there. Listening to the song that the gal on the stage is singing. The pastor says that certain thing that is just exactly what I needed to hear. The lights are dim. The candles are lit. The stage is set. And I cry. And I know I'm not the only one.

If you are a church-cry-er then you know what I'm talking about. Church + you = tears. I know I'm not the only one.

But why? Is the song really that beautiful? Is the message really that impacting? If it is, do you remember why you cried. Do you remember what it was about the message that stuck you right in the arm? Most of the time I don't. But there's something about church and that sacred hour that brings me (if i let it. if i'm willing.) to a soft place. A place of tears.

And I wonder sometimes what it is about church that makes me reflective... what is it about church that gets to me. It's not really a question about faith as much as it is a question about place. I'm a Christian at home, on the road, at the grocery store, at the mall and you don't find me sitting in the food court crying because I'm reflecting on what God has done in my life. (Though you may at any moment find me crying at a commercial.) So what is it? Is it a manipulation of sorts? Has the worship team and the pastor conjured up a fancy plan to get everybody sobbing? You know, even if they did, I don't think that's it.

No matter who you are, where you've been, what you've done... I believe that the church service is not the only reason that you may be moved on a Sunday morning. There is something that does happen (for me) at church that is harder to come by when I'm walking through the mall or watching another episode of 30 Rock. And that is focus.

At church I can focus.

And there are no better words to convey what I'm trying to say than those that come from this powerful line:

turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of earth.....

...will grow strangely dim...

...in the light of his glory and grace.

Our culture, better connected now than ever before, continuously offers us more and more endless possibilities all the time. This can be a great thing! But it can also beat us down, even when we feel we are being built up by it. The culture, our iPhones, our constant connectivity to the wonderful world wide web keeps us moving, moving, moving but perhaps moves us farther and farther away from a simpler focus on the One that keeps us grounded in spite of ourselves.

I think that's why I cry at church. Because for a brief moment in time, I have but only one focus. And it is Jesus. And the things of earth grow strangely dim.

At that moment, as I wipe my tears off on my husband's sleeve (partly to mess with him), I realize that what I'm experiencing is the perfect intersection between faith, life and rest that comes from the light of his glory and grace. And that moment's relief makes me cry because I know that is the hope that gets lost in this world...in my world.

Friend, if you feel lost, are lost, or are about to lose it - Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look FULL in his wonderful face, and the things of earth with grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace. (written by Helen H. Lemmel, 1922).

a time of expectant waiting

2011-12-04T19:46:00.008-06:00

As you may have noticed, it's the Advent season. Advent is a time of expectant waiting and preparation for the celebration of Jesus' birth. We have countdowns until Christmas, some counting down until Santa's arrival, some in expectation of some serious gifts, some to revel in the fact that Jesus was born, and some are counting down the days until it's over, because, let's face it, the holidays can be exhausting.

As I do my own little advent celebration in my head, I can't help but think about Mary. Today, we're about 20 days away from her delivery, she would have been huge by now, waking up all throughout the night to use the bathroom, probably. I wonder what Mary (uncomfortably) laid in bed thinking about. Some expectant women lay in bed wondering at night if they're going to have an epidural or not, breastfeed or not, go back to work or not, surely these were not her concerns. Surely there was a deeper, more mysterious wonder about the baby who was in her womb. He already had a name and he already had a purpose. She was giving birth to Jesus the Christ, the Messiah, the One who would be King. Most expectant moms wonder how to parent well, how to teach their children well. I wonder if Mary wondered what it would be like knowing she would one day bow at the feet of her own child.

The original advent, the preparation of the coming King, for Mary, must have been so very different than our advent now. More than a single candle lit or scripture read. Her heart in the quiet of the night must have been full of wonder as she waited for this baby, knowing she would be ushering in the light of the world.

Advent. A time of expectant waiting. But what are we waiting for?

A time of preparation. What are we preparing for? What are we really preparing for?

I keep thinking "eventually i'll get to Advent." But if I wait too long, before I know it, Christmas will have come and gone. And while that will not change the course of history nor eternity, I am the one who loses out on the great privilege it is to not only celebrate the birth of God in human form, but to rest in the overwhelming grace that comes with knowing him as my own personal King.

Matthew 1:23

Look! The virgin will conceive a child!

She will give birth to a Son,

and they will call him Immanuel,

which means 'God is with us.'"

It is for this that we expectantly wait and prepare for - the coming of our King. Who will save us from our sins and give us peace.

A Giant Candy Corn-Shaped Hole In My Stomach

2011-10-23T21:45:00.006-05:00

593 candy corns later, I've almost eaten my way through our 2-family-sized-bag-filled glass pumpkin. Imagine my disappointment when I found out for the first time in 6 years of knowing him, that my husband, the one with whom I intended to share the blame when the candy corns kept rapidly disappearing, did not like candy corn. WHAT?! Who doesn't like candy corn? It's like eating an apple. Or chicken. It's just one of those things that no matter what - you do. Why? Because it's just a food that is part of life. Candy corn is part of life. It's certainly a part of Halloween.

So, my glass pumpkin-shaped jar is halfway empty and there is no one else to blame but my very own sugary fingers. I'm a candy-corn-eating-machine. But, I've got to get through all of it quick before Christmas comes and I have to start all over again with candy cane hershey kisses.

And this, my friends, was a candy corn blip. Too long for a tweet and way too menial to post as a Facebook note.

glass half full.

2011-09-09T20:43:00.012-05:00

Today I was waiting for FedEx. Has anyone ever asked you what you did that day and you said you waited for a package to arrive? Well, today was my day. I forfeited outdoor activity, trips to the mall, JoAnn Fabrics, and even a stroll around the block because I was waiting for FedEx. "In transit" said the tracking website. So, it must be close. Somewhere nearby, somewhere in my town, perhaps just a block away, were my packages in transit; getting closer to my house.

But my baby really wanted to go outside. She had been inside all day. We had exhausted every combination of the plastic eggs she plays with as well as the route from one end of our living room to the other. She had completed her task of collecting every piece of dirt off the kitchen floor with her clothes and mouth, pulled out every plastic container, and had eaten as many puffs as she could handle. The girl wanted out. So we went out. We sat on our front porch steps. It's the perfect little place for a kid. We just sat there and watched the squirrels, listened to the motorcyclists cruise by, and enjoyed the cool shade courtesy of the big surrounding trees. It's perfect. But I had this aching feeling. What if FedEx comes to the OTHER door? The back door. What if he knocks and I don't hear him and then I find that dreaded slip. Ugh. The one that says you have to come get your heavy packages because you missed the most important door knock of the day. I've gotten that slip before. It's the worst. So, we went back inside and checked the back door and were relieved to find no note.

After an hour, we found ourselves back on the front porch steps. Just sitting there, catching up with the birds. Staring at one another and then staring at our toes. All the while, the ache still remained. So, we went back inside to check the other door. Phew, no note.

Another hour passed by and guess who arrived! The FedEx guy. With all our packages. Hooray. It was great, simple, easy. He walked them to me and we brought them in the house. Done.

Best part - he had come to the front porch steps. And I was confident that with a 50/50 chance I would inevitably choose the wrong door to be at at the wrong time. All that worrying for nothing.

And as the day continued, it occurred to me - Don't we only ever fear that we're not going to be in the right place at the right time for whatever fateful, wonderful thing that could possibly occur?

And as it turns out, as it did for me today, that sometimes you are actually waiting in the right spot.

Sometimes you aren't in the right spot.

But. Sometimes you are.

Can life be summed up in a hashtag? #notsosure

2011-08-27T11:21:00.012-05:00

If you're anything like me, you like the social media aspect of life but you wonder the effects it's having on all of us. My simplistic side says don't give in, stay focused on things non-electronic and invest in real life humans. My other side says stay up with the times! don't be a fuddy-duddy. You are connecting...it's the new norm. But I cannot help but wonder what the heck we are doing putting hash tags at the end of our thoughts, and what that does for our souls, and are we better off having all the online social activity or are we losing brain cells because of it. For certain, there is logic, practicality, and just plain old good fun involved in our online connectivity...but then it also all creates a bit of fear in me that we are slowly, but surely, disconnecting from one another. I know this thought process is nothing new. But like most everything for me, I'm always a little behind in coming into my own conclusions and tastes. My marketing classes in college helped me identify that I try new things once they've been tested and approved.

For those who don't twitter, you might not know that the hash tag is the portion of a tweet that begins with a "#" and is followed by a conceptual word or phrase that has something to do with what one just tweeted about. I, too, don't completely get it. Sometimes I don't think I get it at all.

But an example of a tweet and hash tag usage would be:

KKatulka: Olive smiled at me today while she shoved blueberries into her mouth. #beingamomrules #butcanbemessy

So once I post this deep thought my 78 followers (or 24 who may actually pay attention) know that Olive smiled at me. And that is good. Perhaps whoever reads it will think to himself, "aw, that's nice. Very good, Olive."

An article I recently read said that people need to feel connected to something larger than themselves. This feeling can be achieved from reading a book and getting enthralled by the characters. There is something good to this online community, i know. But I do still wonder its effects on our souls.

Like, have you grown so accustomed to communicating in 140 words or less and then following it up with a brief, clever quip? Maybe not. But maybe you have. Is your brain deteriorating by only reading up on the lives of other people? Is the hash tag really just something you would only say online but probably wouldn't say in person?

I think the entire online community (that I am greatly a part of) can be both good and ... I won't say bad. But perhaps, stifling. We all know by now that it's not a big deal if it's used in moderation and coupled with lots of real-life activity... But, with the ever-growing new ways of connecting online, are we going to have more and more opportunities to follow one another through machines and inexplicably-genius coding... OR are we going to have more and more opportunities to meet one another for meals, for coffee, for discussion? For private conversations that will never receive any online-attention.

I have a Facebook, Twitter, google-plus, instagram, tumblr, and blogger account.

So perhaps a question I need to periodically ask myself is:

Who is really following me?

And to where am I leading them?

So, I guess if I could sum up our online lives with one thing it would be this:

KKatulka: No matter what, give your followers something worthy of following.

And remember, the people in your life, the day-to-day people, whoever that may be, are following you, too. With their own two eyes, and it's even more important to give them something really worth following.

#youcancontrolthesocialmediainyourlife

#dontletthesocialmediacontrolyou

So I guess I'm feeling sentimental

2011-08-11T11:24:00.010-05:00

My baby girl arrived on the scene 9 months ago tomorrow. I remember that moment, day, hour, minute, second, so vividly that I could paint a picture of it for you if I was a painter. But, I'm not. So, I won't. This piece is merely (or hugely) a tribute piece for my daughter.

People say it goes by so fast, enjoy every minute of it. And if I could take a moment to thank God for one very special, unexpected blessing of it all, it would be that I truly have a sense of treasure with each and every passing moment with her. It's an amazing connection and relationship that I could have never ever predicted. Why? Because, as it turns out, you cannot predict a whole lot about your baby. For instance, the personality of your child. I would have never guessed that my sweet baby would be so content. I could have never guessed that she would be the world's best sleeper. That when she wakes up from a nap she would pop her head up when we walk in the room and smile at us. I would have never guessed that she would be scooching herself all around my dirty floors, collecting dust and hair all over her pjs, and loving every second of it. I could have never scripted our conversations. That, by now, I would say hi and she'd say a sweet sound back. Over and over, as though we were talking to one another. I would have never believed it if you would have told me that my daughter would have blue eyes. I thank God for that very special feature.

I would have never known that she would smile when I entered the room, cry when I walked out. I would have never guessed that when she was stuck with a needle at the drs office she would cry so hard, but calm down just a few short seconds later. I would have never known that she would be the best traveler on planes, in cars, on long walks in her very safe, awesome stroller. I couldn't have guessed that, since very early on, being outside would satisfy her for hours on end.

I would have never known any of these things. My mind and heart could only comprehend that which my imagination could conjure up. I never imagined the delightful personality that she would have. I never factored in the pure, honest delight she would bring to my life. Though, I certainly hoped she would.

Sure, time is passing by. But so far, not too fast. I enjoy that every day along the way she has continued to grow, develop, laugh, cry, nap, and sleep in her own sweet little way.

Call me sentimental, but I cannot help but express my gratitude to the One who created her. Who knew every little detail of her long before I did. And to Chris for encouraging me as a mother and making it so I can stay home.

We named her Olive because we wanted her name to mean peace. And peace she has brought.

She is a gift.

Hi, I'm Anxiety. Mind if I take a seat?

2011-08-05T09:58:00.024-05:00

Perhaps you know him. There exists an achy little creature that creeps into stomachs, into heads, into hearts and plops itself down, stretches out its arms and legs, and sends little electric waves into our bloodstream and causes us to frown. This is obviously not the technical description for what some of us experience as.... anxiety.

This hundred-armed creature sends out little shockwaves to cause you to wonder what life would be like if it were different. It makes you wonder what life would be like if this had happened or that. You start to wonder what you would do if you lost someone very important to you. Anxiety is a creepy little fellow who takes residence inside you for a time and by the grace of God, doesn't always stay forever.

I know there are outstanding remedies to this issue. First, prayer, of course. We Christians are very well familiar with the verses about casting our anxiety onto the Lord and not worrying about tomorrow because tomorrow has enough worry of its own. Great verses! But sometimes, the Dr. says that medicine works, too. And as a person who went through a period of time taking medicine, I can vouch for the fact that it works.

In my experience, and through talking to hundreds of people about it, anxiety seems to stem from fear, worry, an inward focus, or lack of support or outlets in your life. I am no doctor (i know, i know, i had you fooled), so I know that there are people, also, who are just wired this way. There are so many levels of anxiety. I only know my own and how it compares to others.

But for those of us who do fear and worry, and whose focus is mostly on ourselves (even if just how anxious we are), and keeping ourselves clear of sharing with others, there may be a few good remedies to aid in the overall enrichment of life and combat of the grouchy creature who lies within.

Again, you are reading my blog, not a doctor's blog - so please keep that in mind!

Perhaps we can all ask ourselves a couple of questions:

1) How much of my day is spent thinking, wondering, worrying about other people and the way they see me?

2) How much of my day is spent in fear of losing someone?

3) How much of my day is spent worrying about worse case scenarios?

4) How much of my day is spent sharing any of these thoughts with someone else?

5) How much of my day am I willing to consider that God is greater than me. Fighting for me. Loving me in ways incomprehensible?

And finally,

6) Have any of my fears come to fruition

7) ...and did I actually survive?

We are a lot more resilient than we think. Sometimes we just don't remember.

Writing about anxiety causes concern, because I wonder what others will think about me. But what I need to think about when posting this is that you, too, may be wondering what to do with that stinky little creature who's inside of you, too.

This morning I was reading 1 Sam 7. And, it got me thinking. Anxiety (again, not medical, just personal analysis) seems to have some major connection to fear of something happening to ME. Anxiety seems strongly attached to how things effect me. What happens if I lose someone? What happens if someone creeps into my house?

By giving into all these thoughts are we making things a little too comfortable for that anxious creature inside us? Have we given him a footrest and asked him to stay for as long as he wants by letting these negative thoughts take over? We could make anxiety far more uncomfortable by choosing to trust Someone greater. We could kick him out the door and turn back to the One who actually is already consumed with us so that we don't have to be.

1 Samuel 7:3

Then all the people of Israel turned back to the LORD. ³ So Samuel said to all the Israelites, “If you are returning to the LORD with all your hearts, then rid yourselves of the foreign gods and the Ashtoreths and commit yourselves to the LORD and serve him only, and he will deliver you out of the hand of the Philistines.” ⁴ So the Israelites put away their Baals and Ashtoreths, and served the LORD only.

Perhaps, we could try to turn back to the Lord. We could return to the Lord with all our hearts. We could consider what we are putting into our brains and bodies and replace it with something greater. something better. We could grab that anxious little creature with our strong fists and hand him to the Lord. We could share our thoughts with others. I have found that I'm usually not the only one who has ever thought some of the things I think.

Returning to the Lord does not have to be a one-and-done deal. It can be a moment-by-moment deal. "What if people hate this blog?" Return to the Lord. "What if someone thinks what I said 3 weeks ago was stupid?" Return to the Lord. "What if...." What if.... what if..................

Return to the Lord.

Rid yourselves of the foreign gods (the idols, the triggers, the fear)

Commit yourselves to the Lord

Serve him only*

Anxiety does not have mastery over you. You do not have to serve it. You do not have to commit yourself to it.

Return to the Lord. but... what if...... Return to the Lord.

*and for you anxious types, who thinks the only way to "serve God only" is to sell all your possessions and move to Africa, thus causing you fear that your 9-5 job is not good enough... chill. God loves you right where you are.

The rhythm of the world.

2011-08-03T09:34:00.010-05:00

If you don't see a rhythm to life, it's because you're not looking for it - or maybe you don't want to see it. There is a rhythm to life, though; at least that's the way I see it. Every year, on the exact same day, I have a birthday. Every day there is a morning and an evening. There is an hour that a store opens and an hour that it closes. There is a beginning to a TV show and there is an end. There are days that the garbage man comes to pick up trash and the rest of the days of the week, he does not. There are stocks rising and falling; people making money one day and losing it the next. There is a lifetime cycle for a flower: the seed, the soil, the watering, the growth, the blossom, the bloom, the beauty, the wither. There is a season for all things under heaven. There is a rhythm to life, whether or not you choose to see it.

People have routines and those who resist routine - usually have one anyway. It's just different. Having a routine or having a rhythm does not mean that all life looks the same. It just means that we are all figuring out a way to function on earth. Working to make money to pay rent and mortgages, working to fulfill dreams, running to stay in shape, resting to recover, eating to keep from hunger, going to the doctor to fight sickness.

Dave Matthews may have called us people on earth "ants marching." Solomon may have called us "nothing new under the sun." Whatever or whoever we are, there is something in us that either cries for a routine or embraces the rhythm. We are all part of the rhythm of life.

What's your part, though? If you were to sit down with a piece of paper and a pencil, what would you say your part of life is? No, really. Have you ever stopped to consider yourself, what you do, what you've done, what passions are in your head and heart - what about the passions that have fallen dormant? Find your pen and a piece of paper and take a moment to think. How do you add to the rhythm? What is your melody?

For better or for worse, I see the rhythm everywhere. I see it in my daughter's nap schedule, I see it at a stop light, and I for sure see it on the Bachelorette (limo, drama, helicopter ride, drama, repeat).

My melody right now is embracing who I am as a mom, as a wife, as a friend, a sister, a daughter. My melody is celebrating the fact that I have a few readers who read this blog. My melody is finding rest in the knowledge that I am a daughter of the King (Jesus). The flat notes to my melody come when I think I should be doing something else.

I believe it's when we focus on who we are not, that we throw a flat note into the rhythm of life. Please consider your melody, your sweet contribution, how you add to the betterment of this life on earth.

Don't let fear hold you back.

If you are anxious, take a deep breath and go sit outside.

There is life to be lived. Songs to be sung. Hope to be had.

What is your melody? It's beautiful, I'm sure.

Hello, 30.

2011-07-29T10:49:00.012-05:00

I've been wondering for the past few days what I would post today. Something special, something poetic, something heartwarming, a big thank you to my mom, a sweet song to my Lord... But, instead I'd like to list 30 things that meant a whole lot to me this year.

in no particular order,

1. i had my daughter. the greatest baby girl i have ever met.

2. Jourdan got married.

3. Abby got casted in a huge movie.

4. My mom had a successful knee surgery

5. My dad had Olive Wood mailed to him from Bethlehem to make finishing touches on Olive's crib (that he built in 1976 and many a clay/shallard/katulka kid have slept in)

6. Chris went on full-time with the Friends of Israel.

7. Some of my closest Dallas friends have moved away.

8. Some of my closest Dallas friends are moving even closer.

9. Rach got married.

10. Rebecca was born.

11. Caroline was born.

12. My dear friend's breast cancer was removed & healed.

13. Chris and I got to go to Colorado and meet some of the greatest Believers in Jesus.

14. Olive got to meet her 92 year old great-grandma - and only living GREAT-grandparent.

15. Chris graduated from Dallas Seminary.

16. Olive got to spend a month playing with her cousins, aunts, uncles, Gigi, Umpa, Gmomma, Pop Pop and even my friend's little girls.

17. We had the entire Katulka family here in Dallas for Chris's graduation.

18. Our sweet family all chipped in to get Chris an iPad!

19. I lost all my baby weight. (superficial, but still awesome)

20. I was able to quit my job and be the full-time employee of our little home.

some tender things have happened, but make us all the stronger and more confident in Christ's love for us:

21. we miscarried a beautiful baby at 10 weeks last October.

22. one of my closest friends lost her dad way too soon.

some things that can easily be taken for granted, but are the backbone of what keeps us going strong all day long:

23. My poor, pathetic, paint-chipped, golf-ball-hit 1998 Corolla keeps running like a champ - and the A/C works perfectly.

24. Our sweet landlord installed a washer & dryer hook up for us after 2 years of not having one.

25. Our home is cool in the summer and warm in the winter.

26. We are surviving comfortably on one income.

27. The Lord has provided some incredible friends and support.

28. We always have food in the pantry.

And 2 things that make me super excited about this upcoming year:

29. Living life with my husband ... and our sweet baby.

30. Walking with Jesus, knowing my love for him gets richer with every year - as I see his grace, mercy, discipline, peace, and hope in my life.

So, for this next year... what I vow to do that I have not done consistently in year's past. What you can ask me about anytime you want and what I promise to have done...

31. RECYCLE.

Much love and appreciation for you who have made my life all the better.

thanks mom & dad (but especially my mom) - for carrying me around - all 10 pounds and 10 ounces of me. i love you.

hello, 30.

I'm a stay at home mom - Is it time to start sewing?

2011-07-18T11:03:00.006-05:00

From my limited perspective, it seems that Etsy is the only way to succeed as a stay at home mom. I see these adorable headbands, dresses, skirts, aprons, etc. etc. on Facebook. I see adorable mommy blogs and adorable photographs of moms who just "started taking pictures one day and loved it!" And I just sit here, staring at the wall wondering... should I sew? Well, I don't really want to. Should I learn photography? Well, I don't really feel like learning more about F-stops. Should I go back to Starbucks? Work at the Gap? Vamp up my blog? Open a Chipotle in Gulf Breeze, FL? I'm telling you, the head is swirling. It has yet to land.

But somedays I just think - this is me. I'm a dreamer, writer, thinker, worrier, silly little lady who delights in nothing more than seeing my smiling baby girl when I wake her up from a nap. I do like to keep my house clean, I do not mind driving my 12 year old car. One day I will have a job making money again...but in the meantime, I think I need to embrace exactly where I am.

And who I am.

Do you ever just thank God for the way that he made you? Even with all the funny little things about you that you wish you could change? Even when you wish you were a seamstress but you just know that you aren't. Even when your day entails making sure your baby is fed, napped, cleaned, clothed, and loved? Do you ever just thank God for the oxygen that is keeping you and the people you love alive?

I'm not sure my skills are sellable on Etsy, but they are valuable.

Olive's awake! Gotta go!

Going on 30...

2011-07-12T09:02:00.010-05:00

I could not help but think of the movie 13 going on 30 this past month as I entered into my old bedroom, painted still as I wanted it when I was 14, full of my memories from that time on. My parents, apparently more nostalgic than I thought, have left my room to be dealt with by me. They did not repaint it the second I left and turn it in to a home gym. No, it's pretty much the same. I came this summer with a vengence, to clean out my room. To test my own limits of nostalgia and it turns out I'm more ruthless than I thought.

The enemy: this window seat.

Full of memories from 7th grade. To some this may sound sweet, to others this may sound crazy. To me, it sounded like a challenge.

But after almost a month of taking a little time each day, throwing out at least 10 huge garbage bags of trash, donating lots to the Waterfront Mission, and keeping a fair amount of the most importants. This filled-to-the-brim window seat now looks like this.

Empty.

There has been some question of whether or not I would want to show Olive a lot of the stuff that I was throwing away. And then we came to a resounding conclusion - my mom has yet to sit down with me and sift through her memories from 8th grade. She probably has no idea where her memories are; and I'm not sure either one of us would like to go through that task anyways.

We are reaching our 2 week countdown until I turn 30. It was quite appropriate that I open up that window seat (for my mom's use of storage now) to make room for what could be the next 30 years of memories.

The past is a beautiful thing. It's what got me to where I am today. But there's a lot to look forward to...and looking forward to something is always such a great feeling.

Sharks at the Beach

2011-05-30T07:53:00.012-05:00

If you've ever read Ecclesiastes (or simply been around long enough to hear it in a conversation) you know, "nothing is new under the sun." But, I want to try something new. Which, as we know, is not new at all.

In watching one of my morning talk shows last week I heard a funny statistic that left me thinking. Kathie Lee mentioned that women, while at the beach, should far less fear being eaten by sharks than (what is much more likely to happen) being judged by other women. Not even men, but women. So, I have no idea where she got her information, but as a woman, I do believe it's true.

Women, we are rough on each other, aren't we? If we aren't rough on each other we are rough on ourselves. And I'm only talking about judging one another's appearances. If you're anything like me, it gets harder and harder to keep up. Due to my own self-professed simplistic style mixed with a limited budget, I do not spend my extra time regularly getting my hair done, or picking up the latest threads. Though, I do love doing both of these things.

But, as a Christian woman, I also carry an odd burden, I thought we weren't supposed to look like the world, think like the world, walk like the world. I'm not talking about makeup, hair, clothes, etc. But what i'm talking about is instead of having a judgmental attitude towards one another having a loving, kind attitude towards one another, and also for one's self.

We are critical beings, at times. We look our friends up and down and use that quick glance to either like what we see, dislike what we see, to make ourselves feel better, or to make ourselves feel worse. It's a terrible cycle. And if you're a woman reading this having no idea what I'm talking about - please give us the secret... and one that lasts a long time not just today if you happen to be having a good day.

We have scripture to support that we are not to judge one another, that we are made in the image of God (who could ask for anything more?), that we are to be kind and compassionate to one another, and that we should do unto others as we would have them done unto us...

So, why, ladies? Why do we still choose to use other women in our lives as the determining factor for how we are going to feel about ourselves? And what does it say about what we believe about God? Do we believe that he made someone else much prettier than us just to make us mad? Certainly not. God is not mean, people.

We just have wanting hearts.

The true reason that the looks of other women, their bodies, their hair, their talents get to us, and either bring us up or bring us down boils down to 2 things (in my opinion): 1) Self responsibility and 2) Self-consumption.

We are responsible for the twists and turns our heads take. If you find yourself letting the appearance of your female friends altering the way you feel about yourself you can stop that thought in its place. A counselor once gave me the idea of "karate chopping" or "kung fu fighting" those thoughts away the second they came to my mind. It does work. I just takes a lot of self-responsibility to protect that sweet head and heart of yours.

And I'd be foolish to not call a lot of this what it is: self-consumption. To allow someone else's appearance to alter the way you feel about yourself reveals a grid by which you view life: how does it stack up to mine? Perhaps we are too consumed with the wrong thing.

Madeleine L'Engle says it well in A Circle of Quiet, "I've looked for an image in some else's mirror, and so have avoided seeing myself."

I guess my point is that this summer we are going to either be tortured by the appearance of other women because we are struck with a "lesser than" mentality, or worse ,feel better about ourselves because we perceive ourselves as looking better. OR (or, or, or, or) we could lay the self-consumption to rest and pick up our healthy, functioning bodies and just dive into the ocean, build an awesome sand castle, eat a delicious hot dog, and thank God for one more moment of one more day.

Our minds are like our bodies. We can re-train them to think and see a new way. I'm guessing women will always be aware of the way others look, but we can be far less discouraged or encouraged, whatever your case might be, by simply realizing the reality of the situation. A nasty, hurtful bug has ended up in your head and is replacing truth with lies. You can squash it.

This summer, do beware the sharks at the beach. And, please, for heaven's sake, don't be one.

If it's too good to be true...

2011-05-27T15:58:00.005-05:00

it probably is.

Thankfully, I have never had my own personal experience with the scoundrels on craigslist who reel you in with a great deal and then send you reeling when you realize it's not true. Recently, I had a good friend get sucked in to a great deal, including emailing conversations that seemed legitimate, to only find after a little google research that it was in fact a scam.

I imagine that most people nowadays are aware of the possibility of what you think you're getting on craigslist may not be real... but just in case, I thought i'd show you a possibly helpful link. Click here. Craigslist is warning you to be careful! So, please be careful.

Your money is your money and people who have absolutely no moral compass whatsoever do not mind taking it from you if you are willing. So, stay alert! Google research anything that sounds too good to be true. Copy and paste names, email addresses, or even the entire email exchange into google and see what comes up. And don't ever send money without seeing the product in person!

I know I feel manipulated enough paying almost $4 for a gallon of gas or when a store offers the same exact thing that the store next to it does, but for $10 more dollars.

People want your money. Be sure you are in control of to whom and where you give it away.

Turning 30 soon.

2011-05-18T08:54:00.008-05:00

I will be 30 in less than 2 months and I've decided that the best way for me to illustrate how this feels to me is on this continuum.

Birth --------------------- 12 years old :: Easy times, with a few social hiccups

13 ------------------------ 18 :: Still pretty easy, parents pay, high hopes for future

19 ------------------------ 27 :: Start making own decisions, pay own bills, grow up

28 ------------------------- 30 :: Married, have a baby, get Masters Degree

30 ------------------------- ?? :: I'm the parent now. Full responsibility from here on.

If this seems depressing, it's not. It just helps me see that the next phase of life for me and Chris is going to be full of new adventures, trials, responsibilities, and lots of eating cookies left out for Santa. We are the parents now. Olive will come to us for money. She'll come to us for rest and safety. She'll look to us for the example of what marriage looks like. She'll look to us to see if our faith in Jesus is real.

I know there will be more to life, as well. Much more than I can predict. But as far as me and my heart go, it brings me great relief in knowing that the next phase of life is better because of my little family and full of hope again for wonderful things to come.

Philippians 4:8

2011-05-18T08:35:00.003-05:00

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Working to memorize this week...

just a post.

2011-05-04T21:43:00.003-05:00

So, Easter, Lent, Mark, Luke, and Passover Seder Season came and went. Now, all I have are my thoughts and lately I have a million. Where to begin! I'll just tell this short quip for now.

Olive and I went to HomeGoods today. We (I) were very excited that there is a new HomeGoods at the Park Lane shopping area. I walked in with Olive in the Bjorn and my heart swelled at all the goodness that was before me. We walked very slowly up and down every aisle. It was bliss. Why? Because all the things that caught my eye were in the $5.99 range, and that is my very favorite price range. We probably spent an hour there and left with a few small items. But, this is not even the most interesting part. I'd like to list for you the interactions I had with customers regarding the cute little baby who was attached to me.

Lady #1 came up to little O and said in a very excited, exaggerated voice, "Oooooohhhhhhh, my goooooooodnessssssss. She is beautiful! Oh my goodness, she is beautiful!" And even as she walked away, "my goodness, she is beautiful."

Wow, thank you.

Lady #2 paused before going down the aisle and softly said to us, "oh how sweet. just so sweet." I smiled, "thank you." She smiled. We stood there awkwardly for a long second before she said in a very sweet voice, "oh, i thought it was a boy until I saw the pink socks."

Oh, thank you.

Lady #3 actually caught me off guard. She was whispering sweet nothings to my baby before I turned around to see them interacting. "She is so precious. Isn't it great?" as she actually stroked olive's hair.

Yes, it's great. Did you wash your hands?

Lady #4 who we had passed several times found us in the checkout line. She was on her way out but stopped to say, "she has not made a peep the entire time you've been here! Now that is amazing!"

I know, she's wonderful.

And finally, Lady #5 said "I've been watching you guys, she hasn't fussed at all. She's at a great age. My daughter is 4 and I don't want anymore. I was the youngest of 11."

Wow, 11. That's a lot.

And then we went to Whole Foods and no one said a word.

All in all, it was a fun outing. We now know where to go if we want attention and where to go if we do not.

Two lucky ducks.

2011-04-23T09:58:00.007-05:00

There are two lucky ducks found in chapter 23 that I just can't help but wish I had been. Both sound like they would have been there as just an "average" witness of the occasion of Jesus' walk to the cross and actual crucifixion. One would have woken up that morning and put on some clothes and probably packed a lunch because he was traveling in from the country. The other lucky duck, well, he had a much better view of Christ's crucifixion, but for much worse reasons. One was just a traveling man and one was a thief.

But, the one who packed a lunch for a simple journey, got more than he could have ever expected. He was put in a place of honor so high that day that I bet he didn't come down for years to come. He probably thought he was just going to see Jesus, perhaps touch his cloak as he passed, I don't know. But, he couldn't have ever expected to be given the greatest position of all that day.

Simon of Cyrene got to carry Jesus' cross.

This gives me chills. We could never understand but I'm sure we can try to imagine the weight of the cross that bore down on Jesus' shoulders after he had been beaten and bruised horribly. We can at least conceptualize the burden of Christ carrying His own cross on which he would be crucified. Jesus would have been weak. And Simon got to relieve this weight, if only for a moment. Simon, the luckiest duck, got to carry the cross for Jesus. I so wish that could have been me.

The other lucky duck was the thief who was hanging on his own cross - but right next to Jesus. He was hanging and witnessing the death of my savior. To be that close would have made him the most lucky of all - but there's more. From his cross, hanging and dying, he got to ask Jesus to remember him. And that thief, who was there to die, who was dying, got to hear the beautiful voice of Jesus Christ himself say "⁴³"Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise."

I consider that thief to be so lucky. He saw Jesus, he heard his voice, he was saved at his final hour. Amazing.

And this is why I am almost speechless today as I consider that these two men, though experienced Jesus in the flesh, gave us two very profound yet different examples of the sweetness of knowing Jesus.

Even today - I can still pick up my cross and follow Christ. (Luke 9:23)

Even today - I did, and you can, ask Jesus to remember you - to save you from your sins and receive the immediate and eternal hope that comes with knowing Jesus and knowing we will be with Him one day in paradise. (Luke 19:10)

I guess I can interject a little bragging here.

I'm a lucky duck. I know Jesus, I can pick up my cross and follow Him, I have been forgiven by His blood that flowed out of his body for me, and I will see him again in Paradise.

PRAISE, PRAISE GOD.

----------------------------------------------------

^{Luke 21:33}"Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away.³⁴"Be on guard, so that your hearts will not be weighted down with dissipation and drunkenness and the worries of life, and that day will not come on you suddenly like a trap;³⁵for it will come upon all those who dwell on the face of all the earth.³⁶"But keep on the alert at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are about to take place, and to stand before the Son of Man."

Interrupted.

2011-04-21T11:58:00.005-05:00

^{^{Life, right? Life gets in the way of having an uninterrupted, sweet interaction with Jesus. Waking up, praying, thanking God for one more breath was never easier as the moment before you rub your eyes, wash your face, walk outside and face the day's reality. Life can get in the way of our sweet, uninterrupted relationship with Jesus. If we didn't have illness, decisions, disappointments, unanswered questions, unwanted answers, we'd have a sweet, uninterrupted relationship with Jesus. We'd be free to live our life in a box, praising God for creating me and for giving me His son. What could be sweeter than just me and Jesus? Jesus and me?}
^{Why did Adam not just realize that he had the very best? He had a beautiful woman and God's own presence; he had perfection. But, then. Oh gosh, well you know. But then they went and their own selves got in the way. Life (or the pride of it) interrupted their perfection - they went for what they wanted instead of what was best.}
^{So, Christ came to the earth through Mary. He lived an illustrious life as we've been reading, full of miracles, healings, teaching, standing for Truth, we know now that Jesus came to save us. And it's at the moment where Pilate says do you want me to give you back Jesus that I wish I could have raised my hand and said yes, please. Certainly, we wanted that! But, Christ was sent to the cross, by our sin. And that's where we land, interrupted for these next few days, without Christ's presence, as tomorrow (Good Friday) we remember his death on the cross and the days that followed.}

17}But Jesus looked at them and said, "What then is this that is written:
'THE STONE WHICH THE BUILDERS REJECTED,
THIS BECAME THE CHIEF CORNER stone'?

^{Enduring our rejection of our Messiah for the next couple of days...hoping to be renewed by the freedom that comes from knowing that He is alive.}

Luke 19

2011-04-18T09:13:00.008-05:00

One of my good friends reminds me from time to time that there is a new statistic that says teenagers want only to be famous, even over intelligence. Fame is a funny thing. Mostly because only the famous people really know what it's like to be famous, and the rest of us, only can imagine what it's like to be famous and therefore, it seems not only a worthy goal, but an achievable one.

Take Justin for instance. I'm gonna resist saying his last name. He made a youtube video showing his incredible talent and look at him today. 16 and driving a range rover, if he even drives himself.

So, what is it about fame that is so enviable? Is it the money - which may make car-buying an easier decision? Is it the beauty - having a personal trainer, high-end clothes, and hair that has been styled for you does seem appealing. Is it the power - I'm pretty sure that Angelina has empowered many families to adopt, Conan has redirected viewers from NBC (though, the office and 30 rock probably balanced the pull), Oprah has given spiritual-less people something to believe in, or even Justin has melted the hearts of girls and women around the world.

So many of us who work and work, write and write, day in and day out doing our jobs, will never, ever become famous. Ever. And I mean, never. Sad, right? It depends.

There is another way to look at what you are doing in your day to day. The very thing for which you've been given may be the very thing that God wants you to do with your life and your talents for right now.

Luke 19:17 "And he said to him, 'Well done, good slave, because you have been faithful in a very little thing,"

Let's just stop right there.

The master said, well done good slave... because you were able to get thousands of followers on your blog last night?

The master said, well done good slave... because you maxed out on the number of Facebook friends you have?

The master said, well done good slave... because you finally posted that amazing video of yourself juggling your 3 dogs and you've gone viral.

No... The Scripture rings so very loud yet so very softly. The master said, well done good slave... because you have been faithful in a very little thing.

I'm not sure what your little thing is or even mine for that matter. But chances are you have something in your life for which you have to be faithful right now - faithful where some answers are unclear - faithful where your future is unknown. You just have to be faithful with this little thing. And, as I know for a fact, famous people have to be faithful, too, they will be held accountable, too. No one is exempt from being faithful with the little things God has entrusted to us.

I'm not even going to mention the rest of the verse - though, I urge you to read it. There is a reward in being faithful, and a punishment for hoarding your talent.

I just pray that each of us would be encouraged that the Lord is greatly pleased with our being faithful with what we've been given.

You may be right where you are for a very good reason... and for a faith-developing season.

Luke 16, 17, 18 :)

2011-04-17T11:27:00.004-05:00

I'm all for confession - therefore, I confess that I willingly did not blog the past 2 days. Though, I did read the chapters. There, I said it.

verses I underlined:

chapter 16:31 - "But he said to him, 'If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be persuaded even if someone else rises from the dead."

chapter 17:37 - "And answering they said to Him, "Where, Lord?" And He said to them, "Where the body is, there also the vultures will be gathered."

I'll let you deduce on your own why those verses stuck out to me.

Chapter 18 gives us a wonderful passage on prayer... one to live by.

18:7 - "now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to him day and night, and will he delay long over them? "I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"

If you are wanted to do a little pondering for yourself, join me in focusing on the passages 18:10-14... which man are you?

Luke 15

2011-04-14T20:53:00.004-05:00

I know that there is a whole lot more to life than what I can see. I have my life and my little box and lens through which I interpret my bits and pieces of it. I could never speak for someone, nor can I presume to know what someone else has gone through if I have not gone through it myself. But that's what I keep finding so profound about the Bible. I have not gone through most of everything that Jesus keeps talking about and doing. I haven't had a sick child, a sick mom, I haven't been healed from the pit of tragedy, I haven't turned away from God to find that He graciously received me once I returned. I have had my own "stuff" but not specifically what Jesus is writing about. But, still, it impacts my heart and redirects my thoughts and urges me to walk more closely to Christ, clinging to His grace and mercy.

I suppose I would respond like the "good" brother in this chapter. When my brother who turned his back on our dad, wasted everything he was given, was celebrated when he returned, well, I'd be mad, too. "But, what about me! I've been here the whole time, obedient, trustworthy, and he just shows up and we're throwing him a party! It's just not fair." But the father's response enables me to sit here knowing that whether we return to the Lord or if we stay close the entire time, that there is grace for both. What matters is that the one who is lost... is found.

²⁷"And he said to him, 'Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has received him back safe and sound.' ²⁸"But he became angry and was not willing to go in; and his father came out and began pleading with him.²⁹"But he answered and said to his father, 'Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you have never given me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends; ³⁰but when this son of yours came, who has devoured your wealth with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him.'³¹"And he said to him, 'Son, you have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours. ³²'But we had to celebrate and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found.'"

Luke 14

2011-04-12T23:00:00.008-05:00

My heart is so full from our visit in Frisco, CO. There was something about the people we met from the church we visited that just fills my heart with gladness and assurance from God that He is working mightily in so many ways here in Frisco. We had dinner with the pastor and his wife and I could have sat there forever with them. For once in my life, the food was 2nd to the company. ;)

It was so hard but encouraging to hear the trials they have gone through and the faith that they had through every little heart-wrenching event. The wife mentioned that from time to time she threw herself a pity party and asked God why so many things happened to them but not to other people. Knowing that there was a good answer there, I asked them if the Lord had given them an answer for the reason of the trials. And the husband (the pastor) said "because people were watching." People were watching to see their response to many tragic and challenging events in their life. They were able to share the gospel clearly, both verbally and in print. Some of their stories have been published in newspapers and news channels. They remained faithful because they knew God was good and wanted people to see that.

Seeing the faith of these who have experienced tragedy and heartache make my heart sing. I left dinner trusting God even more, knowing that these people were following the true healer, the one who came to save.

Luke 14 begins with profound words that I heard both at dinner and here in this chapter. Regarding Jesus, "¹It happened that when He went into the house of one of the leaders of the Pharisees on the Sabbath to eat bread, they were watching Him closely."

Just like Jesus, if you are a follower of Him and profess that He is King, then you/we will be watched closely. Just like this pastor and his wife, just like Jesus, people are watching and waiting, wondering how you are going to prove your allegiance to Jesus Christ; what's going to make you different? Usually, it's how you respond to the hard times, not so much the good.

Thank you, Lord, for this breakthrough in my little heart, for the reminder that representing you is not about me. I also pray that if, like Job, you took everything away I pray with all my heart that I will still choose to follow you anyways.

luke 13

2011-04-11T20:26:00.005-05:00

Chapter 13. Jesus was going to heal a woman on the Sabbath. The pharisees challenged his disobedience of not working on the Sabbath. His response:

¹⁵ The Lord answered him, “You hypocrites! Doesn’t each of you on the Sabbath untie your ox or donkey from the stall and lead it out to give it water? ¹⁶ Then should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept bound for eighteen long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?”

And what I have taken from these verses is something that has been an answer to what i've been asking. What does freedom in Christ look like? Jesus set this woman free. He untied her from what had bound her for 18 years. Like an ox tied to a stall, we all have our little hands holding tightly to something, we all need Jesus' touch of healing. I always need help outside of myself to remove the chain that keeps me tied. Being bound to whatever it is we are bound to, whether it's fear, approval-seeking, taking pride in your self-sufficiency, your mirror, your job, or your words with friends games, Jesus has come to unbind us. Jesus came to set us free.

Luke 12

2011-04-08T21:37:00.007-05:00

I was just sitting her remembering so many times that I worried and worried and worried myself sick and in the end, was so glad I did. Yeah right. Have you ever worried about something and when the results appeared you actually were thankful you spent all that time worrying? Not me. For the most part, what I worry about never even happens; and not only that, whatever does happen is better than I expected.

I have good days and bad days with the whole worrying about this and that. Somedays it's about my clothes and what I should wear, somedays it's about my arms and how they need some more tone, but today, for instance, it was about food... like I worry that it was not a good idea to eat an ENTIRE box of Mike and Ikes alone. But, I do worry and wonder about its effects (cavities, way too many empty calories, turning my teeth red...what can I say they were the "Red Rageous" ones - all red!)

So, how did Jesus know that I was going to be worrying about these things? And how did he know that worrying will not a single hour to my life? Probably because He's God. Worrying seems so temporal while storing up treasures in heaven has such obvious eternal rewards. I pray that I can digest these words from Jesus and let them penetrate my heart and mind. So thankful for this scripture today.

²² Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³ For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. ²⁴ Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? ²⁶ Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
²⁷ “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ²⁸ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! ²⁹ And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. ³⁰ For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. ³¹ But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
³² “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. ³³Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. ³⁴ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
If I could spend the rest of my life memorizing these verses I would. I should. They are too good not to forget.

Luke 11

2011-04-07T22:19:00.005-05:00

When you wonder what to pray, consider what Jesus gave as an example:

²And He said to them, "When you pray, say:
'Father, hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come.
³'Give us each day our daily bread.
⁴'And forgive us our sins,
For we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.
And lead us not into temptation.'"

This is slightly different than the Lord's prayer that I know. But either way, Jesus is telling us that there is a way to pray. We don't have to fumble and search for words; we can heed his instructions. We can pray these very words.

The beautiful part is that the Lord is listening. We can trust that the words from our mouths and hearts to Him is being ushered to our heavenly father by the work of Jesus. My prayer life can always use a boost... this is great way to help when I'm at a loss for words. What better words are there than these...

Luke 10

2011-04-06T21:49:00.005-05:00

Tonight I will publish this post and go choose to be like Mary.

Sharing a likeness to Martha, though productive, can be very tiring.

³⁸Now as they were traveling along, He [Jesus] entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home.³⁹She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord's feet, listening to His word.⁴⁰But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." ⁴¹But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things;⁴²but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

luke 9

2011-04-05T20:51:00.009-05:00

You should see me pack for trips now that we have a little babe. I used to be pretty good to just pack a couple shirts, jeans, flip flops, and makeup. I would depend on the place I was staying to have shower and conditioner, toothpaste, things of this nature. But now with the little one, I'm thinking a mile a minute about everything that could make for a comfortable trip for her. One thousand diapers, diaper cream, pack n play, pack n play sheet, boxed fan for white noise, one hundred onesies, pants, blankets, jackets. Her favorite toys, books, teddy bear, headbands; all for a girl that has absolutely no idea what's going on. I could dress her in one of my old t-shirts and wrap a towel around her waist and she wouldn't know the difference. Even more, she'd be fine. Absolutely fine. But there's this better safe than sorry mentality. And it's usually for a simple trip with Chris to hear him speak. In other words, it's for the Lord's work and I am a packing fool.

That's why I love this verse where Jesus says to His disciples before they go out to preach the gospel:

³And He said to them, "Take nothing for your journey, neither a staff, nor a bag, nor bread, nor money; and do not even have two tunics apiece.

Talk about drifters! These disciples were hoofing it barebones. Poor guys. (But they touched Jesus, so it's cool.) A brief review of Dr. Constable's notes (soniclight.com) adds that: They could live like this temporarily but not permanently. Furthermore their simple lifestyle suggested the imminency of the messianic kingdom that they announced.

And, ever since I had the privilege of staying at the Broadmoor, at the Westin, or in a beautiful bed and breakfast because of my last job, I have now been exposed to the finer side of traveling accommodations and want nothing than the best. Unfortunately, now our wallet dictates where we will stay, but my heart still longs for big, fluffy beds that overlook the mountains, the city, or rooms that offer the most quiet calm. Which is why I love Jesus' next line:

⁴"Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that city.

Oh come on, Jesus! How boring. Boooo. Whatever house? You mean, whatever room with an oceanfront view you get, you need to stay there and just relax, right? But, again, soniclight.com tells me: The disciples were to accept the hospitality that others would offer them, but they were not to move from house to house unnecessarily. Moving from house to house would probably imply that they were seeking better accommodations, and this would insult their hosts. People who entertained the Twelve would be demonstrating support for Jesus since His disciples were representing Him.

The Twelve were representing Jesus and those who would take them in would only do it because they supported Jesus. There is something about Dr. Constable's suggestion that "moving from house to house would probably imply that they were seeking better accommodations" that makes me wonder how many times I have sought better things than what was being offered to me. As a representative of Christ, it seems quite important to value the support of Christ-followers over finding the nicest hotel (for instance).

I'm not sure I'm quite connecting the dots that are forming in my head, but I think that if we meticulously plan every single detail of life than we start to give ourselves credit. And it may be true, I probably did pack a good bag. I don't think the point is to leave the house with nothing and see what happens along the way (though, maybe it is) but maybe the point is to leave some room for Jesus to provide for you and for you to receive love from other believers instead of staying in your comfortable room focusing on the accommodations more than the mission.

2011-04-04T20:18:00.011-05:00

One of my very favorite parts of being my husband's wife is that I get to be his #1 fan and hear him speak at many wonderful places. We just got back from Austin where he lead a Passover Seder for a friend's youth group. We stayed with our good friends and got to meet their precious... pig. They have a pet pig. It just hung out in the back yard like a dog would. It actually seemed a little cleaner than an outdoor dog and a lot chiller than, say, a jack russell terrier and even less noisy than a pug. It didn't oink. I really wanted to hear it oink. Our friends told us that the pig is the 3rd (the husband said)/4th (the wife said) smartest animal. I had to agree since I saw the bed the pig made itself. It literally sewed together a blanket and stitched "I oink you" on it. I was amazed. So, there I stood, staring at a pig. I was not at the zoo or on a farm. I was simply in the back yard of a friend's house staring at a pig.

Then I picked up Luke 8 and read about some pigs. I wasn't expecting that. The story of the demons and the swine has always conjured up such horrible mental images. Pigs running toward the lake, diving in, and drowning. Gone. Can you imagine a herd of pigs just running their little legs off into the water. Can you imagine seeing this happen, wanting to maybe even save them, and then realize that once they hit they water that the fact that they weren't fish (or dogs for that matter) meant that they were going to drown? Those pigs took off running into the lake and drowned. They were gone. Gone, gone, gone.

And that's why I get jealous. When I consider the "demons" that I struggle with in my little head - the occasional bought of jealousy - the occasional passing of judgment - the occasional desiring more money than more love - the occasional pity parties - the occasional self-centered moments - I just want to say, here little piggy. no, actually, i'm gonna need like 10 of you just from today alone. What I want seems to be what I can't have. I want the demons that I face to leave me and enter a pig and I want that pig to run into a lake and drowned. I want my demons gone. I want my demons drowned. But, so it seems, that most demons stick around for most of life. Some days are harder than others and some days I skip around actually thinking that they're gone for good. But, because they're not does not mean that I'm hopeless.

Jesus' death on the cross was essentially taking on all my demons and drowning them. When Jesus died his terrible death, that was his taking it all down with Him (I truly hope I'm not speaking heretically here). But then he rose 3 days later, conquering death, giving us hope, fulfilling his prophecy. Those pigs never were resurrected, right? Jesus was.

Which is what leads me to what we do in the meantime, since I still believe that while we are here on earth we are going to struggle with the ups and downs of life. For starters, Christ died for our sin so that we could have hope. So hope you and I must receive and believe. But, secondly, there is something we can do no matter if Jesus gives us a pig to staple our sin to before it drowns,

³⁹"Return to your house and describe what great things God has done for you." So he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city what great things Jesus had done for him.

We can focus on the great things God has done for us. And I guarantee you, in my own life, that for every down I feel, I have a multitude of ups (blessings) from the Lord for which to be thankful.

The reality of sin, sadness, fear, struggles, and the like cannot be an argument for an unfinished work by Jesus. To me, it's a beautiful sign that you are human and that you are alive. Maybe we can try to imagine casting our demons into pigs and watching them drown.

Or maybe we can describe what great things God has done for us, and all the many victories He's won for us, instead.

she loved much.

2011-04-02T11:25:00.005-05:00

Luke 7

faith, forgiveness, and love.

⁴⁴Turning toward the woman, He said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has wet My feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵"You gave Me no kiss; but she, since the time I came in, has not ceased to kiss My feet.⁴⁶"You did not anoint My head with oil, but she anointed My feet with perfume.⁴⁷"For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little." ⁴⁸Then He said to her, "Your sins have been forgiven."

She wet His feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. She never ceased to kiss the feet that she anointed with her perfume. She loved much. She was forgiven.

Oh, how i pray that I love much, that I give all I have to Jesus, and that i'm not known for what I did not do for Christ, but for what I gave and how I loved Him.

luke 6

2011-04-01T20:34:00.010-05:00

It's time for a pop quiz!

T/F

1. When my enemy does something that makes me so very mad, I love them anyway?

2. When I lend something to someone I never, ever, ever expect anything in return?

3. I do not judge.

4. I am always kind to ungrateful people.

How'd you do? Did you pass? If you were honest, then you passed. The point is that each one of us probably need to hear what Jesus taught was the better way to live:

³⁵"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. ³⁶"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. ³⁷"Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned. ³⁸"Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure--pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return."

Do these words resonate with you? Doesn't it seem, at times, that so much of life boils down to how you view other people, how you respond to others, and how other people respond to you? These verses are so freeing! Love your enemies.. expect nothing in return... be merciful ... give ... pardon ... do not judge... and in the same way that I measure others, I will be measured.

Might it be time to offer a little more grace? I think so. The Master grace-giver obviously believes so, too.

luke 5

2011-03-30T22:06:00.006-05:00

Tonight, I just want to say that I really am liking this project/devo/lent thing i'm doing. Reading a chapter a day is good. I wish I would read it in the morning and reflect on it the entire day, but that's what tomorrow is for. Tonight, I want to encourage you, reader, to check out one of my old DTS prof's website where he offers his astute and awesome commentary on any book in the Bible. I think it's awesome. If you have one that helps you, please tell me! I'd love to know. It's www.soniclight.com.

Luke 5 offers more insight into Jesus' life. Isn't it so cool to be reading a different perspective from a different guy? In the end of the chapter, Jesus goes wild with the illustrations, none of which I could understand on my own. So, I read up on it from the commentary site, and it explained that Jesus' way and what He was teaching and doing was so contrary to what the Jewish people were used to. So, in effect, he was new and what they were used to was old.

"Jesus contrasted four pairs of things that do not mix in this pericope. They are feasting and fasting, a new patch and an old garment, new wine and old wineskins, and new wine and old wine. His point was that His way and the way that the Jewish leaders followed and promoted were unmixable. The religious leaders even refused to try Jesus' way believing that their old way was better." source

Jesus acknowledges His forthcoming death (v. 35). I imagine if I had been one of His disciples and heard him say so many of the things he said (since he's rather cryptic) I'd be like "whaaaaat? i'm so confused..." but I hope that I'd be clinging to him anyways. Taking notes. Watching his every move. What a gracious man He would have been to be so close to. What a gracious God He is.

Luke 4

2011-03-29T20:18:00.010-05:00

My friend and I were walking on the Katy Trail the other day and got stopped by a news reporter. He asked if he could interview us on the topic of "How more calories are consumed when you are sleep deprived." Hell froze over that day. I said no. And no, it's not because my friend said no, it just so happened to be the first time I didn't feel that doing a news interview would land me my Talk Show Host position. We kindly declined and walked away, though we both agreed it was true and more than likely could have been excellent support for the report.

Without any scientific support, I believe that eating more when sleep deprived is common because a) you are awake more hours, hence more hours to eat than when you're sleeping and b) being tired just wears you down and the more worn down you are the less strength you have to resist those unnecessary (but oh so yummy) late night calories.

Enter Satan prowling around Jesus at the end of his 40-day fast. I imagine after fasting for 40 days that you can't be in a great mood, are naturally starving, and perhaps just plain and simply weak. And here is Satan doing his best work to tempt Jesus, only to find that Jesus is much stronger than the rest of us; He is unable to be swayed.

What can we, as ones who are likely to give in when tempted in our weaker moments, take from Jesus to help us remain strong?

1) Know scripture. When we don't know why we shouldn't do something, it's hard to resist. But Jesus could quote Scripture back to Satan as logic for why he would not give in to Satan's temptations.

2) Believe the scripture that you know. Logic can only get you so far. But when someone offers you food when you're fasting, all the kingdoms of the world when you're feeling useless and broke, or are tempted to test God when you're feeling entitled - we've got to believe the scripture that we know in order to resist the temptation to give in.

⁴And Jesus answered him, "It is written, 'MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE.'"

⁸Jesus answered him, "It is written, 'YOU SHALL WORSHIP THE LORD YOUR GOD AND SERVE HIM ONLY.'"

¹²And Jesus answered and said to him, "It is said, 'YOU SHALL NOT PUT THE LORD YOUR GOD TO THE TEST.'"

The text makes Jesus' resistance look easy. It may have been as he was both human and God. But we whole-humans must recognize that resisting temptation when we are weak is in fact a very hard thing to do. Just like chomping down 3 extra brownies when I'm sleep walking at 3am (one for each hour past midnight, of course), it's important to note that temptation is always around us, but when we're strong, we are more often going to resist.

Even though Jesus proved to be strong enough to resist, the devil wasn't through with Him yet.

¹³When the devil had finished every temptation, he left Him until an opportune time.

Temptation is always lurking. Just be careful, be aware, know the scripture, believe the scripture, and try to get more sleep.

Luke 3

2011-03-28T20:31:00.007-05:00

I kid you not, reading the genealogy at the end of this chapter made me wonder did i ever receive my diploma from DTS? Do I still need to take some "did i learn anything?" test before I get it? ugh.

Anyways! Another great chapter and a perfect one for memorizing encouraging scripture. Check out 3:23-38. (i kid.)

I have to admit, before I studied at Dallas Seminary I would have cheerfully skipped over verses 23 through 38. Genealogy equalled BORING! No, seriously, it used to be the perfect part to skip over and feel good about skipping over. Who needed it? But, in a nutshell, I'll say that the genealogies that are throughout the Bible, and this one in particular, are important for looking backwards to see where this immediate character is coming from.

One could wonder how in the world is Jesus God's son? Isn't there a huge time gap between the presence of God (think garden of eden, burning bush) and Jesus entering the scene here from Mary's womb? How could Jesus be the son of God?

And that's why the genealogy in this chapter is so rich.

We read: Jesus, the son of Joseph, the son of Eli,²⁴the son of Matthat, the son of Levi, the son of Melchi, the son of Jannai, the son of Joseph,²⁵the son of Mattathias, the son of Amos, the son of Nahum...the son of David,³²the son of Jesse, the son of Obed, the son of Boaz, the son of Salmon, the son of Nahshon,³³the son of Amminadab, the son of Admin, the son of Ram, the son of Hezron, the son of Perez, the son of Judah,³⁴the son of Jacob, the son of Isaac, the son of Abraham... perhaps you've heard some of these names. it continues...the son of Noah, the son of Lamech,³⁷the son of Methuselah, the son of Enoch, the son of Jared, the son of Mahalaleel, the son of Cainan,³⁸the son of Enosh, the son of Seth,...we're getting really close now... the son of Adam,...and what we've been waiting for... the son of God.

I don't know about you, but reading that Jesus' lineage is so rich gives me goosebumps and an awesome peace. Regardless of how God wanted to send His Son and connect the dots for me does not matter. But I am thankful for this genealogy. For the first time in my life. :)

Luke 2

2011-03-27T21:45:00.011-05:00

So, today, I saw our daughter pushing a toy that is supposed to be pushed - aka - Olive was doing exactly what you are supposed to do with the toy. Now, the first time she did it, my heart leapt but I knew it could have been a coincidence. But no. She did it several times. My daughter, the genius that she is, knows how to reach for a toy and spin it around the bar. We called Harvard to let them know the class of 2029 already has a student.

Luke 2 makes me laugh just a little bit when we see Jesus as a 12 year old boy not leaving Jerusalem with this parents when they left (support for his humanity?). They were an entire day into their journey home when they realized Jesus wasn't there. So, they had to go all the way back to find their child. And where did they find him? Sitting with the teachers in the temple listening to and asking great questions. Everyone was impressed with his capacity to understand. So, I imagine Mary would have called Harvard, too, had there been a Harvard to call.

Jesus (like Olive - wink, wink) was obviously special from a very young age. Even at 12 he asked his parent's where did you think i'd be, but in my Father's house... Like, duh guys, you all clearly don't get yet who I am.

But Mary and Joseph were still parents and still were filled with anxiety not knowing where their child was.

But what I love in this chapter are these 2 verses: ¹⁹But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. and ⁵¹And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart.

There are moments, aren't there, that reveal an true intimacy with the Lord when we joyfully treasure moments simply in our own hearts. Though there is great praise in publicly declaring what God has done, there must also be times where it is equally praiseworthy to simply treasure the realities of sweetness in our lives, acknowledging something special from the Lord.

I guess my point is that there seems to be an inexplicable connection between Mary, Jesus, and the Father. She ponders these things in her heart. I love that.

So, today I am thanking God that I know His Son personally, for a daughter who's brain is developing, and for Mary who gives us such a great example of introspective joy.

praise God.

and here we go.

2011-03-26T23:19:00.005-05:00

Luke 1.

A couple major things happen here in Luke 1. One is the revelation that John the Baptist will be born from Elizabeth's womb and Zacharias prophesies that JtB will prepare the way of the Lord. The second one is that Mary finds out she is carrying the Son of God. Man oh man. It was hard enough dealing with the responsibility of carrying a baby girl who was a millionth removed daughter of God. Not the Son of God. That would be crazy.

But interestingly enough, per usual, God uses 2 very unlikely sources to bring about these two men. Elizabeth was declared barren. And Mary... well Mary hadn't actually done what it takes to become pregnant. She was a virgin. But if we know one thing about God, he uses the most unlikely to show His power. It works every time.

Though, not everyone always believes it's going to work.

We also see that not believing - back in the day - had some serious consequences. When Zacharias asked a couple clarifying questions to Gabriel, as I imagine anyone would, Gabriel put an end to the questioning.

²⁰"And behold, you shall be silent and unable to speak until the day when these things take place, because you did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled in their proper time."

See, there would be no more questions. Case closed. When an angel from heaven comes to tell you what is going to happen, I say go with it. Trust it.

But there was still grace. Zacharias did, in fact, regain his voice when John was born. And soon after he prophesied something special.

John the Baptist was going to prepare the way of the Lord. Remember in Mark when JtB was baptizing people and declaring that he was not even worthy to tie Jesus' sandal? This is that guy.

I'm excited to read Luke's account of Jesus' journey to the cross.

I'm thanking God today for the miracle way he sent his son to earth, for the miracle way he blessed Elizabeth and Zacharias though they were barren and up there in age, and for not silencing me every time I don't believe.

praise, praise God.

Mark 16

2011-03-25T09:57:00.012-05:00

He is Risen. What a glorious thing to end on in Mark.

And, even though those that heard about this didn't believe it until they saw Jesus themselves, it did not make the reality of it any more true. Jesus reproached the disciples for not believing without seeing. I can take that to mean, that, even to Jesus, believing in Jesus is about faith not sight. Christ rose from the dead as He said He would and then ascended into heaven. This is what makes our faith real. Had Christ died and not risen he would have been like any other person who passed away. But in His resurrection (the same resurrection we can look forward to in the future) He defied death and proved His Holiness. He rose. He is risen.

Praise God.

Now, tomorrow starts Luke! Another look into Jesus' journey to the cross. I hope you're still reading with me... if you're just now starting and would like to see where we've been start here and work backwards. Or just start with Luke 1 on March 26.

Mark 15

2011-03-24T20:49:00.005-05:00

The one major thing that The Passion movie did for me was open my eyes to the fact that Pontius Pilate did not want to crucify Jesus - that he let the crowds decide. I remember seeing the part of the movie where Pilate was almost going to set Jesus free and I got very excited at the thought of it! And then realized, duh, I knew the ending.

But now, here in Mark 15, I'm reading that hard part again. Where Jesus is summoned to the cross, being mocked, beaten, and hung. Sigh. It is never easy to read, is it? Jesus' crucifixion is so wrong, yet becomes our way of salvation.

¹⁵Wishing to satisfy the crowd, Pilate released Barabbas for them, and after having Jesus scourged, he handed Him over to be crucified.

It's hard to get over that line "wishing to satisfy the crowd..." Wishing to satisfy the crowd, Pilate made it so that Jesus was crucified. Following that verse we read the gruesome details of Jesus' journey to the cross.

And when it seems Christ could not take one more moment, he breathed his last breath and died. The Son of God was crucified. The veil was torn. Christ was who he said He was.

But, I love this verse:

⁴³Joseph of Arimathea came, a prominent member of the Council, who himself was waiting for the kingdom of God; and he gathered up courage and went in before Pilate, and asked for the body of Jesus.

He gathered up courage and received the body of Jesus. Can you imagine after all the build-up, the climax, and then the hush that followed Jesus' death? Then going before Pilate (the one who allowed it to happen) and asking for Christ's body? I would imagine it would take a lot of courage. Joseph found the courage and knew the value of burying Christ's body before the Sabbath.

The stark contrast that I see in these 2 verses is one that makes me ask myself - which one would I be more likely to do?

Wishing to satisfy the crowd I... went against what I believe about Christ?

Gathering up the courage, I... did for Christ what no one else was willing to do.

mark 14

2011-03-23T21:17:00.009-05:00

Here's another woman whose faith I love.

³While He was in Bethany at the home of Simon the leper, and reclining at the table, there came a woman with an alabaster vial of very costly perfume of pure nard; and she broke the vial and poured it over His head. But some were indignantly remarking to one another, "Why has this perfume been wasted? ⁵"For this perfume might have been sold for over three hundred denarii, and the money given to the poor." And they were scolding her.⁶But Jesus said, "Let her alone; why do you bother her? She has done a good deed to Me.⁷"For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you wish you can do good to them; but you do not always have Me.⁸"She has done what she could; she has anointed My body beforehand for the burial. ⁹"Truly I say to you, wherever the gospel is preached in the whole world, what this woman has done will also be spoken of in memory of her."

I love her faith because it's convicting. She poured her very best bottle of perfume over the body of Jesus. I spilled half a bag of $7 almonds the other day. As I swept them up and threw them away, I watched as 3 dollars and 50 cents went down the drain. I was supposed to eat those! Not waste them. And here is this woman, pouring her costly perfume over the head of Jesus. Could I do it without counting the cost per drop I was losing? Could I do it without thinking that I was supposed to be wearing that perfume, not just pouring it out.
She was anointing Jesus' body for his burial. She gave him all that she had while he was still there. I'm sure she could have given much more to the poor with the money she could have sold it for. But, because we know that Jesus encourages giving to the poor (Matthew 6:3-4), we can trust that there are also times for exceptional use of funds (reference).
I truly love this story. It makes me want to high-five Mary for making great use of her expensive perfume. I am so thankful that she was not so tied to it that she couldn't use it for the greatest anointing ever. Mary knew Jesus was worthy of everything she had and she proved it. John says she used her hair to wipe the oil onto his feet. She was truly at the feet of Jesus and her righteous action was remembered just as Jesus said.
She didn't lose one ounce by pouring her perfume on Jesus' body. In fact, she gained everything.
Praise God.

Mark 13

2011-03-22T21:44:00.001-05:00

by Chris Katulka

my incredibly loving, educated, gracious, creative husband

Throughout the Gospel of Mark Jesus’ messianic authority is revealed in every chapter. His messianic authority is displayed through His teaching, the way in which he healed those with incurable diseases, his ability to feed thousands with the little He had, His power over creation, and His defeat of death through His resurrection. What more could Jesus possibly add to His Messianic resume? Well, He promised to come again.

You see ALL of the disciples were baffled, confused, and disheartened when Jesus would tell them He must suffer and die (Mark 8:31, 9:31, 10:34). As good Jewish boys the disciples were taught that the promised Messiah/Savior from the Old Testament would rescue and deliver the Nation of Israel from the evil Roman rulers who oppress them. So Jesus proved to be a serious conundrum to the disciples since He has shown Himself to be the Messiah though His miracles, but must also suffer and die?

Jesus makes a promise to the bewildered disciples, “Then they will see The Son of Man coming in clouds with great power and glory” (Mark 13:26). To those disciples these words brought great comfort and relief that Jesus was going to fulfill the mission they thought He would. In fact, if you boil Mark 13 down it can be reduced to a promise and exhortation. Jesus promises He will return! Therefore, He exhorts the disciples (and us) to “Be on the alert!” Don’t get lazy in your walk with Christ, because we don’t know when He’s going to appear.

Put in everything

2011-03-21T22:48:00.016-05:00

Is it 12 or 13 days in? I think I'm a day behind in posting (but not reading, for the record) :)

It seems the 40-day hype has died down a bit. So, I'm thankful that what I've chosen to do is something that is a discipline but also helpful as I contemplate Jesus and His walk to the cross. Isn't it interesting that He keeps telling the people about his upcoming death, their upcoming rejection, and his upcoming resurrection? There were clearly people who were for Jesus and clearly people who were against...and of course some who wanted to be for him but needed some nudging along the way.

But here in chapter 12, it still feels calm. The adamant accusation against Jesus has not yet been fully formed. Though, He knows it's coming. He continues to teach, heal, and recognize true faith.

⁴¹ Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. ⁴² But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.

⁴³ Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. ⁴⁴ They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

This story speaks for itself. The amount didn't matter. What mattered was that Jesus recognized the worth of her offering - she gave all she had.

From the outside, I'll be the first to admit that wealthy people live attractive lifestyles. They have the money that is needed to afford most possessions that I desire: nice cars, pretty houses, manicured nails, and highlighted hair (and a budget to shop at Whole Foods). I tend to get sucked into the beautiful lifestyle of so many here in Dallas.

But the story of this widow reels me back in. Jesus isn't looking for riches or pretty nails. He sees our hearts and the way in which we give to Him. This woman gave out of her poverty. Her poverty.

That's what I want to do.

a house of prayer OR....

2011-03-20T09:53:00.009-05:00

You know, I don't know Rob Bell. I actually have never heard him speak and I didn't find his Nooma videos to be that interesting. I credited it to simply not being his target audience. But, ole Rob has caused quite the stir among Christians. But to the rest of the world - may be unrecognizable. And quite honestly, I don't think his name should mean as much as it does even now. God is in control. I utterly believe that. But the scholars have to argue and the rest of us have to tweet. It's what we do instead of giving it time to settle and see that the truth will be revealed anyways.

One thing we know about Rob, though, is that he is human. And his theological uproar probably brought his fleshly heart some satisfaction. I have lived enough to know that human beings 100% of the time are not 100% pure in their motives. Am I questioning Rob Bell's motives? No, not really. I'm convinced, though, that he will not be able to escape feeling like he had something to do with his "success". There's nothing new about this idea, it comes from the flesh. We all like to see our names. We all love a good re-tweet. But it just makes me think.

I was not raised having theological discussions around the kitchen table. My dad was not a pastor, my mom was not a Bible teacher, I went to public school and was offered cigarettes when I was in 8th grade. (I passed.) I grew up in the church, gave my life to Jesus at 7, had a serious re-commitment in high school, and went to the university of central florida where I got my marketing degree. It was my own decision to go to seminary and I made it because I wanted to learn the Bible. All this to say, I'm a public-school, youth group kid with a masters degree from DTS. I'm not a scholar and I'm not a smoker, but I deeply appreciate my roots (having a sister who loved the Grateful Dead is one of my favorites) and I deeply appreciate my time at DTS studying the Bible. But mostly, this leaves me in a quandary. I love the Bible and I love being around people who do not believe the same things as me. This is just bonus info, this isn't even my point.

So, because I had never heard of Rob Bell and because I've never read all of Mere Christianity, sometimes I take a step back myself and say what's going on with all these Christians around me? Heck, what's going on with me? We, as followers of Christ, should be about His name, right? So, why do I get the feeling that Christians who are doing the best with what they have (in the name of Jesus) are such a desperate people actually trying to make a name for themselves? What does Jesus think about all of our self-promotion? The Bible doesn't specifically mention facebook, tweeting, or blogging, but certainly we should never use Jesus to make a name for ourselves. We should be careful not to do this. I think we are prey to taking all the praise for ourselves instead of giving all the glory, that we had originally intended to give, to God.

¹⁵ On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple courts and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, ¹⁶ and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. ¹⁷ And as he taught them, he said, “Is it not written: ‘My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations’? But you have made it ‘a den of robbers.’” (Mark 11:15-17)

I wonder if Jesus would start turning over the tables/blogs/books/worship songs of all of us who are making a name for ourselves in the name of Jesus? Have we (have you? have i?) turned our Christian ministry into something else? Have we become a den of robbers?

what are we doing with what we have been given?

2011-03-19T21:50:00.001-05:00

Mark 10

2011-03-18T22:48:00.003-05:00

There are several lessons in this chapter (per usual). But based on chapter 9 and yesterday's post I'm still focusing on Jesus' words about servanthood.

⁴² Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. ⁴³ Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴ and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. ⁴⁵ For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Every day, every moment, every second (it seems) we have the option to serve ourselves or to serve others. And Jesus said that it is better to be a slave to all. So, slave, servant, least, last - who wants to be any of these? All I know is that Romans 8:34 says Christ now sits at the right hand of the Father in heaven (Mark 10:40). Jesus' words must have been true.

I pray we can all set ourselves aside to care for those around us. To be sensitive to the Lord's leading and willing to act when we are nudged by the Spirit to do something. I pray my default attitude becomes "how can I serve you" instead of "how can this serve me?"

The last becomes first.

praise God.

Mark 9

2011-03-17T23:22:00.004-05:00

There are a so many great verses in this chapter. But the one that sticks out to me is this:

³⁵ Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

Coming from Jesus, this verse packs a punch. Because Christ, our King, is the one teaching that if you want to be first - you have to think differently than the world - you have to be the very last. Man. There's something about this idea that goes against the very nature of my being. But, I should be first! I see this attitude in myself often.

How can we practically go about our days being a servant to those around us? And does this mean a servant to the people we know and love or a servant to everyone... even the jerk that cut me off on the road. :-/

Jesus set the greatest example of servant leadership ever when he died on the cross for the sake of our salvation. So that we could have a blameless relationship with our Heavenly Father. He gave his own life for the sake of mine. I would call that servanthood for all...

Lord, help me to surrender my desire to be first and follow the leadership of Jesus by becoming last... help me see practically what that means.

Now, tell me one more time...

2011-03-16T22:25:00.009-05:00

The disciples give me all the hope in the world. They saw Jesus perform the miracles day by day and they still had trouble seeing how things were going to work out.

And don’t you remember? ¹⁹ When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

“Twelve,” they replied.

²⁰ “And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

They answered, “Seven.”

²¹ He said to them, “Do you still not understand?”

They saw the before and after. What they thought was an impossible amount to feed the crowds actually made for full and satisfied people and leftover loaves. Leftovers. There were leftovers from what appeared to be insufficient amounts of food to begin with.

Makes me think. Sometimes I think about the things I've prayed for and figured it might not happen. I prayed for a godly, kind husband. I got a godly, kind husband who brings me coffee in the morning*, wakes up early to fill my gas tank up*, always helps me bring in the groceries*, makes a living for us*, laughs at my jokes*, and thinks i'm talented*. I prayed wondering if God would really be able to find me a treasure. He found me a treasure and so much more.

God always outdoes himself to prove His power. The blind man in this chapter, when first touched by Jesus' hands, could finally see! Though, he saw people that looked like trees walking around (that always makes me chuckle). Jesus could have stopped there, right? I mean, seeing trees for people was so much better than seeing nothing at all, right? But, of course Jesus healed him completely.

Sometimes, I am fearful to write so much about Jesus' answers to prayers - especially regarding healing and deep desires of the heart. I've lived long enough already to know that sometimes we experience deep heartache instead of deep joy. We feel that the loaves we offer Jesus - he does nothing with because they really aren't enough. And, I have no idea what to make of that. But, when I do see the Healer do amazing things, I have to trust that He is always working, moving, and healing and that I am simply not privy to the bigger picture that only He can see.

Trusting in Jesus is a journey of faith. Day by day. And that's why reading His word and letting it settle in your heart helps us/me know Who I am following and What He is more than capable of doing.

*I consider these to be the leftover loaves of someone I didn't know if I'd meet.

praise God.

Mark 7

2011-03-16T00:10:00.005-05:00

I'm a little late. It's 12:10 and I didn't blog "today." So, I will add to my chapter-a-day-blog-a-day discipline for the next 43 days to do-it-before-bedtime. So, for the sake of my family who doesn't like a cranky mommy or wife, I'm going to hit the hay and blog tomorrow about chapter 7.

Though, I did read it, and did round up a thought. Jesus doesn't care about what goes in (such as food) because food doesn't go to the heart. It's all about the heart with Jesus and what comes out of it. So, instead of following traditions that detour my attention from what really matters, I will ponder Jesus' point that I ought to be more concerned about what comes out of me than the food that goes in.

(i know i'm just sharing an incomplete thought, but I must go to sleep.)

praise God.

Mark 6

2011-03-14T22:33:00.003-05:00

I have to admit, this chapter throws me off a bit. Like, how can I read about a beheading and just go on to the next paragraph? But I know that's not the point. The chapter has several components, as they all do. Jesus acknowledges that a prophet is not accepted in his own home town. He gives instructions to the disciples who go out and perform miracles. We read about Herod's beheading of John the Baptist because of a silly little girl's mom's request. Jesus feeds 5000 with 2 loaves and fishes and walks on water, scaring the disciples until they realized it was Him.

All I can say, and I truly do not mean to sound flippant, is that Jesus was a busy, busy man. He had to have thick skin to endure the rejection from his own family and the fear from his own disciples. He had to endure crowds following him and constantly wanting his healing. He must have known about John the Baptist's beheading and that had to be sad for him - for he was the one who prepared His way. Jesus had a lot going on. Always, it seems.

But one poignant verse that stands out to me today is verse 46, "After bidding them farewell, he left for the mountain to pray." I cannot tell you what Jesus prayed about on that mountain or for how long but I imagine that was some of the most precious time he had in a day, where he was restored before facing the crowds again.

If Jesus went to the mountain to pray, to separate from the people and the needs that were waiting for him, then I probably should, too.

Again, we see the continuous development of Jesus' journey to the cross. I hope you're staying strong in your reading and taking notes about Jesus' character and all that we have in Him to trust.

and about the beheading... just so glad I wasn't at that dinner table. awful.

but, praise God.

Mark 5

2011-03-13T21:36:00.000-05:00

Then one of the synagogue leaders, named Jairus, came, and when he saw Jesus, he fell at his feet. 5:22

Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 5:33

When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. 5:6

Whenever the impure spirits saw him, they fell down before him and cried out, "You are the Son of God." 3:11

A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." 1:40

What do each of these verses from the past 5 chapters we've read together have in common? Each person fell to their knees in the presence of Jesus. Each one knew who He was - the Messiah, the Son of God - and each one took their appropriate position before him - at his feet.

Each person knew they were in the presence of the One who was greater. My prayer is that I would move from mostly just thinking about God and His goodness to trusting Him with my life, falling on my knees before Him. These people brought their very worst and greatest fears to Him and His response was love and healing.

praise God.

May the reality of Christ in all of our lives make us fall to our knees before Him.

If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.

2011-03-12T20:42:00.007-06:00

Mark 4

Watching a person with steady, strong faith is always encouraging to see, yet often leaves me a bit curious. Especially when someone has faith through serious trials in life. They're the ones I keep my eye on; they have the faith that I desire. I would say more often in my life over many years of inspecting my own faith and observing that of those around me, I do not always see this steady, strong faith - but more of a "camp-high" kind of faith. Where time away from the "real world", surrounded by supportive Christians leaves a person feeling strong and re-committed! Though, when something tough does arise, their faith seems to fall off of them like petals off a dying rose. It just falls to the ground, with nothing much left to show.

Mark 4 clears up some of my curiosities about why some can believe so soundly in God no matter the occasion and why some can find themselves without solid faith in the time of a trial or the temptation of something better.

Jesus presents 4 parables of what happens to a seed when it is sown in different ways:

1. Roadside faith - Easy access for birds to come and eat it. Or, when you hear the word, Satan comes and snatches it up, taking away the word that was in you.

2. Rocky Ground faith - Immediately the seed springs up because there was no depth of soil. But the sun came up and scorched it because it had no root and it withered away. When you hear the word, you immediately are full of joy! But because there is no firm, deep root, when affliction or persecution comes (because of the word) you fall away.

3. Thorn-choked faith - The seed lands in thorns and the thorns choke the seed, thus producing no crop. You have heard the word, but when the worries of the world, the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things comes up and chokes the word, it becomes unfruitful in your life.

4. Good Soil faith - The seed has been sown in good soil. You have heard the word and accepted it, and thus, you have produced much fruit.

I find these 4 scenarios incredibly enlightening. I ask you, just as I have asked myself: where do you fall? I encourage you to consider what is preventing you from finding good soil in which to sow the seed of your faith and trust Jesus, if you are not already.

I pray the soil that we find ourselves in makes is so that we can hear.

You are the Son of God

2011-03-11T22:49:00.007-06:00

Mark 3

As we continue on in our reading, this chapter begins to reveal the early rejections of Christ and preparations for his imminent death. In verse 6, the Pharisees begin to plot ways they might kill Jesus. Even his own family called him crazy (verse 21). Incidentally, though humans found Jesus to not be compelling, the demons fell down before him and cried out, "You are the Son of God" (verse 11). Obviously, Jesus' performing miracles and claiming to have the authority of God was creating some tension. Though, the tension is just beginning.

Jesus chooses his 12 disciples (vs 16-19). These 12 were going to be the ones who would go out after His death and preach with the authority to cast out demons. (This authority was given so that when people asked them to prove that Jesus was the Messiah, the disciples would have the power to perform miracles because of His authority.)

Jesus is preparing his way to the cross. His replacement of his earthly family (vs 32-35) with those who do God's will (vs 32-35) begins to set an eternal tone. Jesus was not there to stay.

His forthcoming death would bring about life for you and me.

His resurrection would prove what even the demons knew to be true.

praise God.

I say to you, get up, pick up your pallet and go home.

2011-03-10T17:59:00.011-06:00

Mark 2

Have you ever said, Lord I know you have forgiven me, but show me that you love me? I am constantly looking for signs and affirmations that God loves me and is pleased with the life I am living. In Mark 2, we see a great story of Jesus not only forgiving but proving his authority by healing. The scribes thought to themselves, who is this man? why does he think he has the authority to forgive? Jesus knew their thoughts before they said them aloud (see also psalm 139:4), and responded with a great question - "which is easier, to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven'; or to say, 'Get up, and pick up your pallet and walk"?

What would your answer be? I know some of us feel like we could never be forgiven for all we have done. That, actually, healing a paralytic would be easier. Some might say, I know that I'm forgiven, I just wish I had some way of seeing his work in my life.

Jesus does both.

Not only did he forgive the paralytic man because of the faith of his friends (2:5) but he healed the paralytic man because of the doubt of the scribes (2:10).

Jesus loves you and has the authority to both forgive and heal you. No matter the situation we can trust the words Jesus said to the paralytic man as a truth for his work in our lives today: Your sins are forgiven...Get up, pick up your pallet and go home.

praise God.

If You are willing, You can make me clean.

2011-03-09T11:05:00.005-06:00

Mark 1

After reading Mark 1 several times I realize what my head and heart are drawn to: Jesus wants to clean us and heal us. We see this when Jesus rebukes the unclean spirit in verses 23-26, "be quiet, and come out of him!" Also, when Jesus heals the woman with the fever in verses 30-31, "and he came to her and raised her up, taking her by the hand, and the fever left her..." And when I see the leper in verse 40 falling on his knees before Jesus saying "if you are willing, you can make me clean." To which Jesus answers, "I am willing; be cleansed."

Something I can conclude from this chapter is that Jesus wants us to be clean. He demonstrates that he does not want those who believe in Him to suffer from being plagued with sin or sickness - he wants us well.

Many of us today are plagued with negative thoughts about ourselves, others, our past, our future. Many of us are turning our backs to Jesus instead of walking toward him with an open heart or falling on our knees as the leper did - eager for his healing.

My prayer is that we would consider what in our lives needs to be cleansed or healed and that we would lay it before Jesus and see his willingness to respond.

Jesus wants to cleanse us. He is willing.

40 days of Reading Mark & Luke

2011-03-09T10:54:00.009-06:00

I have decided that for the next 40 days I am going to read a chapter a day from Mark and then from Luke and blog a bit about what I have read - in case you want to read along with me and have a personal devotion, as well. The only reason I chose Mark and Luke was because Mark has 16 chapters and Luke has 24 which equals 40. What happens in 40 days from today? Easter. The celebration of Jesus' resurrection from the grave - the fulfillment of his promise - the hope for all of those who believe. My hope is for you who want a daily devotional (but don't want to buy a book) might join with me as I read and ponder who Jesus was and how my life can be more like His.

I'm happy to say we will have some guest blogging from my beloved husband, Chris.

My only hope is that I will grow closer to Jesus as a result of spending time with Him daily and that perhaps you will, too.

The 40 Days start today with Mark 1.

sometimes i wonder...

2011-03-06T21:17:00.001-06:00

is it time for a new blog design?

There will be fruit.

2011-03-04T10:55:00.014-06:00

Lately I've been plagued by my neck's ability to turn my head this way and that looking all around me at other people's lives and wondering how my life measures up. So I've decided to cement my whole head so that it can only look forward. I think that should do it. But until I learn how to mix cement, I guess I can do a little soul searching to see what the problemo is. I have no one to blame for this except for myself. But I'd like to take a moment to blame the things that I know I can't really blame.

1 - Facebook. Yes, I know, this is very cliche to blame, especially since I've blamed it before. But from time to time, even knowing the truth, I still get sucked into actually believing that other people's lives are better than my own. Poo.

2 - Twitter. Again, cliche. But sometimes I see the light banter going back and forth between people who appear to be such good friends and I think - gosh, I wish I was that lighthearted and creative.

3 - Television. In today's world, we get to see SO many people using their talents to win contests, become famous, and make lots and lots of money. It used to be just Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy... only smartie pants were able to earn moolah. Now it's singers, dancers, weight losers, people who can balance a penny on a straw while standing on one leg (minute to win it), and people who are willing to break a neck to make it to the other side (wipe out).

But, what I mostly realize from each one of these 3 things (that I can't really blame though I want to) is that it's me just watching, just reading, just scrolling, just changing the channel. Just a harmless action that is starting to add up to a "what about me?" attitude. Of course when I inundate my brain with just watching other people do what they do, I'm inevitably going to look at my life and start analyzing... especially since there's not a lot of attention given to the fact that I organized all of our closets this week and made sure my husband's shirts were clean.

Though, minute to wash it might be a good show where stay-at-home moms compete to see how many loads of laundry they can do in a minute. Or Organizational Idol where moms compete by showing their marvelous, uncanny skill of labeling storage bins with perfect handwriting and in alphabetical order. I mean there's a TV show for you. I'm sure my husband and probably my mom would watch it. Maybe my dad, but only if I was on it and if it wasn't on too late.

But when I sit back and consider the reality of my situation, I realize that I have 3 very important audience members every single day. One is my husband who is constantly cheering me on, one is my daughter who smiles at me every single time I change her diaper, and one is my gracious heavenly Father, who tells me in His word that there is great reward in living for Him.

Jesus said these profound words to His disciples before fulfilling his mission on earth, "Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me...If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be my disciples. Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in my love."

So, back to the cement. I have discovered that the rate at which my head spins is proportional to the time I spend with Jesus. I cannot tell you how many times Scripture brings peace to my soul and joy to my life especially when I begin to let the world dictate my thoughts. Merely watching other people will never enable me to do the most with what I have been given. Perhaps, I don't need to cement my head. It seemed a bit unrealistic anyways.

The Lord has entrusted me with a very specific purpose right now and its my responsibility to do the very best with what I have. I may not win a million dollars for it but if I trust in the words found in John 15 and I abide in Jesus there will be fruit.

surf

2011-02-23T09:13:00.013-06:00

I have never surfed a day in my life. One day, about 10 years ago, my friend, Ian "taught" me how to surf by saying "just grab the sides of the board and jump on it." Needless to say, my grab and jump did not result in a wave well-ridden. As far as I'm concerned, I'm still out there in the gulf trying to jump on that board. It was absolutely impossible.

So, Yancy Spencer III, a man who I really only knew as my best friend's dad, jumped on a board many, many years ago and caught his very first wave. Just like that. He didn't practice, didn't go to surf camp, didn't google "surfing", just got it. He got the board, was in the water, and the first time he tried - he surfed.

This Yancy Spencer ended up being the East Coast Champion in surfing. Apparently, he perfected the art of surfing, gave the menial waves of Pensacola Beach much more credit than they deserved, and encouraged anyone around him who showed a hint of interest in the sport to go for it.

This past weekend I learned a lot about the surfing community. They are a tribe. There is a tie that bonds them together and it's in the form of the great blue ocean. All oceans. Wherever there are waves, there is community. My best friend's dad, Yancy Spencer III, died on Valentine's Day of 2011 and surfers from high and low flocked to his funeral and introduced me to one of the greatest traditions I have ever seen to honor a person when they die.

the paddle out.

In short, a paddle out service is when surfers (or whoever) paddle out into the ocean on their boards, sit in a circle, say kind things about the one they lost, and throw flowers into the ocean. In reality, Yancy Spencer's paddle out service drew so many people that my heart swelled each time I looked around. Hundreds of people on the pier and hundreds of people on shore looked on as hundreds of surfers paddled out into the water following a very special service on the sand.

As bag pipes played "Amazing Grace" and I stood and watched so many paddle out into the ocean to form a beautiful mass of people, tears continued to fall. As boards were pounded in unison, as water was splashed in celebration of his life, as cheers were lifted up and flowers were thrown I couldn't help but think that Yancy Spencer's life was what drew this crowd together. But what was it about Yancy that did it?

As part of the on-shore service where a few of Yancy's oldest friends spoke memories of Yancy, we were all surprised to hear the voice of Yancy's ultimate surf hero, Skip Fry speaking to us from a phone into the microphone. He concluded by saying If Yancy were here, he would want me to tell you one thing - so, i'm going to say it... I thought he was going to say "Surf's up."

But, instead, he said If you do not know Jesus as your personal savior, now is the time. Having a relationship with Jesus is the most righteous thing. If you are a Christian, we can honor Yancy by rededicating our lives to Jesus. If you are not, you can ask Him to become your Savior. We should probably end with an altar call. Yancy would want that.

All in all, I realized that the reason Yancy Spencer rode the very first wave he tried, was because his ultimate purpose in life was to bring the message of Jesus Christ to so many - and surfing was his vehicle to share the good news with so many.

I pray that my heart and mind hold forever tightly to what I saw this past weekend. I saw the results of a life well-lived for Jesus Christ and a devotion that challenges me. I saw that if you walk (or surf) in the light - people will see the light of Jesus through you and somewhere along the way may walk in it with you.

To Lydia, Abby, Sterling, Yancy IV, and beyond - you can rest peacefully on this side of eternity knowing that your husband and dad lived the life God created especially for him.

2011-02-09T09:44:00.003-06:00

One Lady and a Dog

By Karen Katulka

Life has many twists and turns,

one can never know

what kind of thing tomorrow will bring

or what direction you will go.

Most of the time, things are normal

Some days can be kinda sad

Some days are full of happiness

Some days you’re just plain mad

But when your life turns upside down

And you have no place to go

Sometimes God drops a dear lady in your path

To welcome you into her home.

Two-bedrooms, two-bathrooms,

One lady and a dog

One back porch with staples for protection

One parking space for me to hog.

This lady taught me generosity

The dog taught me to share

Then poor, abandoned Samson came along

With poo stuck to his hair.

We laughed and talked over coffee,

We laughed and talked over food

We (well, I) cried watching TV shows

We watched (celebrity) Stars dance a groove.

She helped me feel myself again

She helped me find my center

She had the very warmest home in town,

Even if she kept it freezing in the winter.

I will never be able to thank God enough

For this very special lady that I met.

She was one of the most unexpected, glorious detours

My life has taken yet.

To the lady God used to give me a firm place to stand, thank you…Happy Birthday!

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him. Ps 40:2-3

Perhaps today... psalm 40:1-3

2011-02-07T11:19:00.007-06:00

¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
³ He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the LORD
and put their trust in him.

My prayer for you today is to read these verses several times and spend some time alone with the Lord to see if David's words are still true today. Perhaps in this quiet time you'll find you're still "waiting patiently for the Lord" perhaps you're still in "the slimy pit" perhaps today God has given you "a firm place to stand" perhaps today you have "a new song in [your] mouth"... or perhaps today "many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him" because of the work He is doing in you.

To those of you who are too busy to find the time to do this, just remember that a quiet time doesn't have to mean:: journal, cup of coffee, peaceful heart, Bible open, thoughts and prayers abounding for hours upon hours.

A quiet time can be very simple:: You, God, and a pondering/prayerful heart. Scripture indeed helps you hear from His inspired word.

If you care to share, please leave a comment. Otherwise, I pray your time with the Lord and with David's (the psalmist's) words do leave you encouraged.

going nowhere fast.

2011-02-04T17:04:00.012-06:00

The past few days, we have been cooped up in our house with icy sidewalks and inches of snow surrounding us at every corner. With a few intermissions to dinner with friends (for which I am so thankful) we have spent the majority of every minute of every day for the past 4 days inside. Needless to say, I am thankful that our power and heat remained on and working the entire time.

Though, with more time and nothing to do, I found myself thankful for a few extra minutes to have some quiet time meditating on some great verses in a chapter that I've read a thousand times. Psalm 139. This is the chapter that reminds me how very much God has searched me, knows me, knows my thoughts, my actions, my inside, my out, my motives, my words, my chemical make up, my desire to flee from his presence at times, and that no matter where I may go - He is there. Guiding me, loving me, and seeing me in the light - for there is no darkness in him.

See that icicle? It hangs right outside my house (and doesn't have a chance of going away for a while). But, before that ice was ice it was water. It was rain trying desperately to escape and drip back into the earth when BAM! The freezing temperature stopped it dead in its trap. It couldn't escape the powerful force that was the frigid air.

I can't help but see myself in today's frozen scene. As a Christ-follower, sometimes when I run, walk, or even tip-toe away from God I don't get as far as I think. His grip on us is firm - so much so, that He can stop us before we drop, protect us from going further in the wrong direction, or keep us from becoming something that we weren't meant to be. Our God is not frigid air hoping to keep us frozen like an icicle - but He is a powerful, loving force that purposely holds me and guides me as I walk on earth - even when it seems i'm walking away.

"where can i go from your spirit? where can i flee from your presence... if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me..." (vss. from Ps. 139)

Pretty soon the sun will come out, the ice will melt, we'll reconnect with our cars, and eventually make it back to the grocery store. But perhaps this picture will serve as a reminder of the goodness of God and His gracious grip He has on our lives.

or it may just remind us texans of the week that we froze.

2011-02-01T10:34:00.007-06:00

The other night Chris and I felt very rich. We had 2 gift cards for Barnes and Noble and set off like happy little shoppers to the wonderful world of books. A brief conversation earlier that day had my head swirling with thoughts about business and marketing so I thought for sure I'd get a book on Marketing with my free money. Though, when it comes to me and shopping, I have a hard time actually finding something that I think is worth spending my precious gold on. Gift card gold, that is.

So we opened the doors to B & N, with Olive strapped to Chris's chest, both got coffee from the cafe, and parted ways in search for our beloved new books. I started in the stationary area hoping to find cute notepads. But did not. Then I meandered over to the Marketing section to find that there are so many books on marketing. I didn't want to buy the wrong one and they all sounded the same.

As a seminary graduate, I reluctantly moseyed over to the "Christian" section and lightly scanned the titles of books; hoping that this was not going to be where I would land. Hadn't I read enough regarding Christianity for a while??

I ran into Chris in the theology aisle who adoringly had my daughter on his chest, a cup of coffee in one hand, and two books in the other. I knew Chris was going to go home a happy book owner, but me, I thought I'd probably leave with an unused gift card.

But then my eyes were drawn to this pretty pale-blue cover with some cute white flowers on it. It was a devotional by Beth Moore. I laughed at how well the design was perfectly suited for girls my age and was not going to fall prey to the marketing. So, I continued on in search of my new book. But shoot, I returned to the devotional, opened it up and read a few pages. This looked like an excellent devotional. I had made my choice. Their marketing department would have been proud of themselves. Good placement, good color, good topic. Sold.

I'm on day 3 of the devotional. I love that it's actually not numbered by days. It's focus is on being in a pit, identifying how you got there, and how God does not want you to stay there. I have been overwhelmed by Psalm 139 as it reminds me how very well God knows me. How? Because he designed me and created me in my momma's womb. Amazing.

I don't know if you are looking for a good devotional but I highly recommend this one. It's called Looking Up: Trusting God With Your Every Need. Without having ever read a book by Beth Moore and I'm pretty sure I've never heard her speak, I appreciate very much her authorship of this devotional.

Chris got an Israel tour guide book and biography of a man whose last name starts with an M - Molmomides, i think.

And Olive got a pleasant first-time stroll around Barnes & Noble.

We all won.

Scrub a dub dub

2011-01-25T15:10:00.004-06:00

I wonder how many times my hair has been washed in a single setting now that I don't remember anything. As in, just a few minutes ago, I washed my hair, rinsed out the shampoo, and only remembered I had just done that as I was washing my hair again. The scrubbing felt familiar. 15 seconds ago familiar.

As a new mom, I have nothing to compare my newness of mommyhood to except for when I did not have a baby with me all the time. Therefore, I can't compare. I just have to say that whatever I do differently now that I have a baby is new and must be linked to my new stage in life.

So, let's see, what else do I attribute to mommyhood? My eye is twitching. I link that to mommyhood fatigue. My hair dries into a style that I actually like. I link that to mommyhood prenatal vitamins. My neck (of all places) is breaking out. Mommyhood hormones. I'm 10 pounds overweight - mommyhood results. I eat doritos, drink coke, have cake when I want it, and don't feel bad about it - I link this joy to the extra calories I burn from feeding my beautiful baby. That's all I can think of for now. Mostly because that's all I can remember. (Mommyhood memory.)

But one of my very favorite things I like to link to mommyhood is how much I absolutely love the deep connection my husband and I have found as we've entered into this new phase of life together.

Chris and I had both already started Dallas Seminary when we met. We both already knew the same people, gone to similar churches, paid large tuition payments ourselves, and had jobs to pay the bills. We were familiar with each experience the other had gone through.

All but one had neither one of us experienced. Until we experienced it together. We had a baby. And raising her with such a loving man brings a peace that is unmatched by anything I've ever known.

So, here I sit, with my hair doubly washed, with pores that curse my face, and a couple extra pounds that I'm not ready to lose - I realize that being Olive's mom leaves me seeing all things new.

To say my daughter brings me joy would be too simplistic a statement. I am simply thankful.

2011-01-09T15:57:00.007-06:00

We watched About a Boy today and Good Will Hunting yesterday. (Sometimes our baby girl has us in lockdown in the living room...)

Coincidentally, there is a similar theme in both movies (besides the fact that both main characters are named Will). Both Wills created little islands for themselves. Will (AAB) resisted the only meaningful relationship in his life (that was Marcus) while quietly missing his dad. Will (GWH) resisted the love that his girlfriend showed him while quietly blaming himself for the abusive father he had. In the end (spoiler alert), both men awaken to the realization that what matters most are the people in their lives that care about them and for whom they care about. They both find that an island is a lonely place.

When a random selection of movies watched both have the same theme - that love is better than loneliness - I have to guess that this is a theme in which most can relate. Though, off the big screen, we call it a wall. We build a wall between ourselves and those around us so they do not see what's really there. We devalue what's most valuable so we don't hurt when we lose it or realize we don't have it.

I think it's no secret that we are all looking for someone to care about us.

But both Wills, in the end, had to care back. They had to return the love. They had to go after the one who had entered into their lives and not left. Will (AAB) played back up guitar to save Marcus from pure embarrassment at his talent show. And Good Will Hunting ends as Will drives towards California to see about a girl.

Even in my own life, I realize my loneliest days are days that I care more about myself than anyone else. Some say it's better to give than receive. I believe for a relationship to find its depth it's important to give and to receive. There is depth in this transaction.

No Baby Registry for Baby Jesus.

2010-12-20T10:31:00.017-06:00

As we all know, the meaning of Christmas has been shot and killed by the brilliant marketing and advertising that sings to the depth of many-a-souls. My eyes swell when I see the bow-wrapped Lexus in the driveway commercial or diamonds sparkling as they're wrapped around an unexpected female's neck. The grid-locked streets leading to NorthPark Mall 5 days before Christmas speak volumes. As do the beautifully lit, wreathed, blow-up Santa'd, fake snowed front yards of so many homes while the miniature nativity scene is tucked away neatly inside the home. Sometimes I wonder if that nativity scene serves as justification for all the decor that surrounds us. Because most of us know, at least here in the Bible belt, that the actual reason for this season is, in fact, the birth of Jesus Christ.

With the rare exception of a few, I believe materialism invades each of our hearts as billboards, commercials, and fancy-furnitured lifestyles guide us to the mall. Believe me, I'm one of the millions who cried just watching women get Tory Burch shoes and handbags on the Oprah show. I am all about materialism - though I try to hide it.

I recently received a Christmas card which I eagerly tore open expecting to see a sweet family photo to find nothing but the words "Peace and Love" with some scripture and an actual hand-written note from my friend wishing me and Chris to know the depths of Christ's love this Christmas season. "What!? No picture!" I asked my friend. She answered that even Christmas cards have become yet another way to sidestep the meaning of Christmas. It had become about the best family photo, photographer, and creativity for her and her friends. She wanted something different. (Even before I went to submit our Christmas card Chris asked me to put scripture on it. I had to be asked! I, when left on my own, fell prey to the Christmas-less card.)

Perhaps it's because the meaning of Christmas could be just about the birth of a baby. Babies are born everyday. Years ago, Saturday Night Live did a fake commercial of a Nativity Scene that came with a loud, obnoxious cry from baby Jesus that was supposed to help us remember His birth. Perhaps we have forgotten the reason for Christmas because a crying baby is no fun to be around. Perhaps it's because even churches have traded the nativity scene for Christmas tree-lined sanctuaries. Perhaps it's because your Christian neighbor shows no sign of believing. Perhaps it's because we don't believe. And no, I'm not talking about Santa. I'm talking about believing that Jesus Christ came to earth not only as a baby, but as King.

I know in this day and age, it's controversial to say - but one day we will all bow to this King. That baby was and is the King of kings and Lord of lords. That baby grew to be the one who turned water into wine, who healed sick daughters, lame men, fed 5000 with very little food, who was murdered for our sake, and yes, who was born in a manger because there was no fancy-mass-produced-beautifully-decorated-bought-off-the-registry-crib for a bed. Jesus Christ was born into a bed of dirt. Mary did not have a registry to get started as a new mom. In a most humble way, our Saviour came for us. And, though the 3 wise man who came from afar to give gifts to Jesus, looks like nothing compared to the lines in the mall to get to the registers - they knew the reason for the season. They knew the value of the gifts they were giving. They were honoring and celebrating the birth of a King.

(As any good blogger would, I must offer a disclaimer. Gifts are good. Christmas cards are great. Christmas trees are beautiful. Just don't forget what you are celebrating. Don't forget who.)

Merry Christmas.

Santa's Endorsement Saved Rudolph

2010-12-12T13:48:00.008-06:00

With Christmas 13 days away (what!) most radio stations have become all-christmas all-the-time. You may not be a fan, but I enjoy the sweet sounds of Christmas tunes. But this means that I hear the same songs multiple times in a day, sometimes in the same hour. One of which is our favorite sing-along - Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer.

Traditionally, we sing this song with utmost enthusiasm. Only the elite know the accurate dramatic listing of reindeer as the true beginning of the song. After listing the final reindeer and introducing the most famous reindeer of all the song's beat turns up and we all bob our heads as we sing about the funny-looking reindeer, Rudolph.

And this is where I get mad.

All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call Rudolph names. They never let poor Rudolph play in any reindeer games. How awful is this? Just because Rudolph looked different than the rest of the crew, has a physical feature that was unusual, all of the other reindeer created a huge social separation. Rudolph couldn't join in on the fun. He had to play by himself. He had to endure all the jokes and all the backs turned away from him just because of the way he was created and the way he looked.

And then - the big man shows up. And this is where I get even more irritated.

Santa Claus shows up and not only endorses the value of Rudolph but he plops him right in front of all the other reindeer to lead the entire sleigh. And then, and only then, not only do the stinky other reindeer see that Rudolph is acceptable but immediately they love him and shout out with glee.

Oh how the tables can turn so quickly if the right person endorses you.

Perhaps you have a little bit of Donner and Blitzen in you. You go along with Comet and Cupid and see how they're responding to the odd-looking person and turn your back on him, too. Perhaps if someone doesn't look like you, doesn't smell like you, doesn't have good clothes like you, has a facial deformity (like something more than a bright red nose), or isn't in the "in crowd" you keep that person out. Perhaps you, too, fall prey to the endorsement of the "popular" person before you accept the outcast.

Sometimes we wait for celebrities to give to Haiti before we do. We can't always wait for Oprah to tell us what or who to care about before we care.

The Bible is clear - God will always use the least of these to make the biggest difference for Him - no matter your size, your past, or your speech impediment. The last will be first. The red-nose reindeer with lead the entire sleigh.

My urge, especially in this Christmas season, is to not follow the crowd, to not turn your eyes and hearts away from those who are tough for you to turn towards, and to know that Jesus Christ has already endorsed each and every one of us. We all are cool - we all have value. No matter what.

Let's go down in history as people who cared for others far more than we cared about ourselves.

Merry Christmas!

celebrating change

2010-10-20T17:21:00.009-05:00

I would say that the #1 thing that is going through my mind as a 36 week pregnant 29-year-old are thoughts of changing relationships. Relationships that have changed or are going to change. And especially one very special relationship that is about to begin (outside the womb). So, relationships, friendships, etc. have had me thinking, wondering, considering what makes a person special and why is friendship or any relationship for that matter important.

For starters, my husband ~ the very great Chris Katulka. The concept of other men being described as husband and father has always seemed like a natural combination to me, but in these last few weeks, it has really started to hit me that there is, in fact, a huge evolution about to take place right before my eyes. My husband is about to become the father to our daughter. Wow. There are a lot of new family "titles" in that sentence. Our little home is about to be filled with one more face, one more voice, on more set of legs to move about, one more heart beat, one more thought, and a lot more one-mores. Olive is on her way and my husband is about to become a father.

Secondly, the prancing, shifting, rolling, growing "thing" inside of me is about to have a physical face that I can see, a smell that I can breathe, and a body I can hold in my arms. Right now, I simply trust that every little movement under the skin of my stomach is this little girl. A girl that is about to become my daughter. A girl that everyone says will change my life. I am about to become a mom. And though it started 9 months ago, I think a huge shift in our relationship is about to take place. For one - I'm about to get her out of my body. For another, she is about to be able to breathe on her own.

Thirdly, there is a change that happens in friendships and relationships as new people come into our lives. Whether it be a spouse, a child, a newer friend...things change. And as an old-timer traditionalist, when relationships change, I have to take a moment to pause and wipe away a tear or two and realize - change is a sign of life and, as we know, life keeps on moving. I'm beginning to realize the deep importance of appreciating the very lives and moments that are occurring right before my eyes and not depending too heavily on the way things were. Today is just as special as yesterday.

Finally, though, the true conviction (though a relieving one) in a relationship I have is that there is one relationship that I must find rest in, peace in, fulfillment in, trust in; there is one I must receive grace from, love from, confidence from, purpose from and I can do this by sitting nowhere other than at the feet of Jesus. It is here that I've been reminded, especially the past few days by reading this devotional, that I will find an unwavering, unchanging, wholly-loved-by saviour who loves me so much and sees me as perfect as he looks at me through the eyes of Jesus. When I consider the change that is about to ensue (and is actively happening as I write) I must remember that God is not far from me. Time means nothing to him. New seasons of life do not throw him off or move him on to someone else. He cares for me. And where he is - grace flows, so much so, that I believe sitting closer to him will enable me to receive it even faster.

Lord help me to remember that being in your presence is of far greater worth than any other position on this earth.

I think we all know that life keeps changing - reflecting on it is good - celebrating it can be even better. I pray contentment, peace, and celebration for you at every stage...

from Charles Spurgeon

2010-10-18T18:12:00.002-05:00

"Thy paths drop fatness."—Psalm 65:11.

Many are "the paths of the Lord" which "drop fatness," but an especial one is the path of prayer. No believer, who is much in the closet, will have need to cry, "My leanness, my leanness; woe unto me." Starving souls live at a distance from the mercy-seat, and become like the parched fields in times of drought. Prevalence with God in wrestling prayer is sure to make the believer strong—if not happy. The nearest place to the gate of heaven is the throne of the heavenly grace. Much alone, and you will have much assurance; little alone with Jesus, your religion will be shallow, polluted with many doubts and fears, and not sparkling with the joy of the Lord. Since the soul-enriching path of prayer is open to the very weakest saint; since no high attainments are required; since you are not bidden to come because you are an advanced saint, but freely invited if you be a saint at all; see to it, dear reader, that you are often in the way of private devotion. Be much on your knees, for so Elijah drew the rain upon famished Israel's fields.

There is another especial path dropping with fatness to those who walk therein, it is the secret walk of communion. Oh! the delights of fellowship with Jesus! Earth hath no words which can set forth the holy calm of a soul leaning on Jesus' bosom. Few Christians understand it, they live in the lowlands and seldom climb to the top of Nebo: they live in the outer court, they enter not the holy place, they take not up the privilege of priesthood. At a distance they see the sacrifice, but they sit not down with the priest to eat thereof, and to enjoy the fat of the burnt offering. But, reader, sit thou ever under the shadow of Jesus; come up to that palm tree, and take hold of the branches thereof; let thy beloved be unto thee as the apple-tree among the trees of the wood, and thou shalt be satisfied as with marrow and fatness. O Jesus, visit us with Thy salvation!

Question

2010-09-28T09:36:00.013-05:00

If I jumped into your brain right now and sat there for the next 24 hours - what kind of thoughts would I hear?

Maybe you could just tell me instead of me having to perform the miraculous transformation to fit inside your brain. If you did tell me, you would probably share your top 3 things. And perhaps these 3 things would be rather "safe" things to think about. Your job, your kid, your spouse, your desire for a spouse. Some might say they think about what's for lunch, how many calories she just consumed, or how in the world am I going to get done everything that is on my list today.

Without being a scientist, I have deduced that our brain operates at many different levels. One is practical, one is impractical, one is fear based, and one is reality based. The deeper you go into your mind the more likely you are to see the truest section of what one's mind contains.

Allow me to give an example.

There is a woman who is a strong, bible-believing Christian. On the outside, she lives a humble, quiet life. She reads her bible, knows it well, and can teach it even better. But then one day you bring up politics (trigger word, obviously) and her face turns red, she stands up and shouts - i hate that governor, he's the very worst!

Whoa! Wait a second, bible-believing woman. I thought you knew that the government will rest on the shoulders of Jesus and that you don't have to worry because it's not your world anyways. But, no. She cares and she cares deeply. But this of course can be traced back to the lifestyle of her parents who loved the Lord but hated their mayor.

I fear my own inauthenticity at times because I know that I say I believe one thing but my actions do not reflect that "belief." My brain wakes up and says go out and love your neighbor as you love yourself. But then my neighbor (if you will) doesn't smile at me when I say hi, so to defend my insecurities I think "i hate him anyways. he's not going to bring me down." So, level 1 says try to love while level 2 (the deeper part of my brain (think Inception)) says don't even try, it's not worth it.

What is the point? I"m trying to figure that out myself. But what I do know is that aligning my thoughts, actions, beliefs, and words can be the very most difficult thing I do in a day. Why? Because my thoughts have me pointed one way - my actions affirm a truer belief - and my words - well, they can hurt. Just call me Gumby, being pulled in every direction.

The Scripture simply says (simply - ha) to pray that the words of our mouths AND the meditations of our hearts be pleasing to you, oh Lord.

I'm not sure who coined the phrase changing from the inside out, but I like it and think it's invaluable to pursue a change from the inside out. It seems that the words of our mouths will change as well as the meditations of our hearts when we determine first from our deepest level - what do I believe? Is there a better way?

I've learned that willing myself to change rarely leads to change. Scripture, on the other hand, can, has, and does certainly undo many of my stagnant beliefs that have gotten entangled with the world's standards, morphed by my insecurities, and simply left unchanged due to my apathetic attitude.

I'm going to have to ask you to step out of my brain now. It's getting a little crowded up in here.

the art of disguise

2010-09-12T14:43:00.023-05:00

This week our refrigerator stunk. Or was it our freezer? We went back and forth opening the freezer door and sniffing around. Then we would open the fridge door and sniff around. The smell became too overwhelming to keep investigating. There was something majorly wrong somewhere in there and we couldn't find it. I was about ready to throw the refrigerator away and just start all over. Chris, more reasonably, thought throwing away all the meat from the freezer might alleviate the smell. Regardless, we had to get rid of something, and we didn't know what.

We noticed there might have been a chicken juice leak in the freezer. So I pulled out all the food, re-wrapped all the meat nice and tight, and sprayed some lysol cleaner all over the frozen chicken juice. I closed the door to let it work its magic. 20 minutes later I forgot that even cleaners freeze and I had to use a knife to get it all off. Chicken juice slushy, anyone? Once removed and all cleaned, a day and a night went by and this morning ... it still stunk. The chicken juice wasn't it.

This morning, as I was loading the dishwasher I decided to clean out all the leftovers from the fridge. I had already inspected everything in the fridge and had determined that they were not the stinky culprits. But, again, the smell still lingered. I decided to open and check everything anyways to see if mold was being grown and I didn't know it. The spaghetti leftovers were ok. The sour cream was ok. What was it? Then I opened the new cottage cheese container. Well. It wasn't the new cottage cheese container. It was the same container of the new cottage cheese, but it was an old, recycled container. And it was not storing cottage cheese. Rather, it was the leftover container for some broccoli that had been cooked over 2 weeks ago. I had found the culprit. I removed the entire container by attaching a rocket booster onto it and launching it out into space. I put a box of baking soda in the fridge and no joke - about 20 minutes later - the entire foul smell that had haunted us was gone.

It was the pesky old cooked broccoli in disguise. So mischievous, that cottage cheese container, not revealing itself for what it really was; old broccoli fooling us into believing it was an innocent container of fresh cottage cheese. It got us, and it got us good.

We've gone here before and I'm going here again. In your life, in your friendships, in your relationship with Jesus, in your marriage, in your work, in your head, in your heart, in your actions, in your fears, in your thought life - beware the disguised culprit that is creeping its foulness into your life.

Jealousy disguised as Protectiveness.

Carelessly judging others disguised as Wisdom.

Stubbornness disguised as Confidence.

Brutal honesty disguised as Love.

Controlling others disguised as Leadership.

Addiction and compulsiveness disguised as Perfectionism.

Bible studies, church attendance, praying publicly disguised as Christianity.

We'd be remiss if we didn't acknowledge that we deceive our own selves. We justify our actions in our minds. We disguise ourselves as having everything together when we don't. We shove ourselves into a container that looks like someone else.

There are foul things rotting within us that we have justified to ourselves. Our flesh wants to deny its insecurities by disguising sin as righteous behavior.

We could not have let the putrid refrigerator smell linger for too long. Eventually, not only could we not stand it, but visitors wouldn't be able to either. By finding the culprit, when I open the door to get out the milk, I can do so now without gagging.

How great would it be that when our spouses, family, and friends come to us they would pull from us Christ-like qualities that are encouraging and positively challenging - instead of smelling a foulness that makes them walk away?

By the grace of God we will not stink forever. But acknowledging the culprits could make even today a better day.

but God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. romans 5:8

my pants are getting tighter

2010-08-30T09:15:00.017-05:00

My pants are getting tighter.
comfortable sleep is getting harder.
My heart is always racing...wondering about this girl.

My skin is getting rougher,
pre-natals have not made for luscious hair,
My mind is always wandering...wondering about this girl.

My priorities are being shifted
my independence has started drifting
my thoughts run through an obstacle course...wondering about this girl.

My car is not so awful,
my home is feeling homey-er,
the nursery brings a peace... waiting for this girl.

I cannot be more thankful
I chuckle thinking we're ready
Thinking we have all we need... to welcome this little girl.

so my pants are getting tighter
which means she is getting bigger
which means our days are getting closer
... i can't wait to meet our baby girl.

Tetris, God, Planning, and Love

2010-08-27T11:45:00.008-05:00

I remember back in college saying to my roommates before we went to bed, "i'll make pancakes for breakfast!" Little did they know (until now?) that I actually couldn't sleep that night, as I was so worried that the pancakes would...suck! If you're taking notes, this is also revealing my dangerously high-anxiety about significantly low-importance items. I do not remember how the pancakes turned out.

Planning and concern for how things would turn out have always been of utmost importance to me. I always planned to come to seminary. I planned to get married when I was 30. I planned to wear high heels and business skirts to work.

Has what I've planned always happened? Absolutely not. Most things that I planned did not happen. I got married at 27, I am expecting my first baby at 29. I wear flats 100% of the time and the last time I wore a business skirt was to an interview about 4 years ago.

Have I ever had the attitude "who cares?" No. No I have not. Since I can remember, I have always cared. I have always cared about everything. My friends - did they like me? were they doing things without me? did they like my outfit? My classes - was I making good grades? Would I be awarded by the professors? Would my hidden intelligence finally be revealed by asking a good question? I care about everything.

However, yesterday afternoon, as I was taking my after-work break, laying down, playing tetris on my iphone, a thought hit me about the meaning of life. How do tetris and life-purpose thoughts mix? I don't know...but playing and thinking were happening simultaneously. I began wondering if God just wants me to learn how to love, be loved, and share his love?

What if the point of life really isn't making myself happy? What if it really isn't about planning at all? What if the reason I am married to the most loving and lovable guy is to learn from him how to love others, drop things for others, make room for others? What if learning to love others and love myself is of more importance then... staying fit? You may laugh because it seems so obvious, but in this day and age, i'm not sure the choice is always so clear.

Thankfully, God's word guides me still and brings peace into areas of my life where I am restless. 1 John offers some of the best words for the soul. The chicken soup, if you will, of the bible. But especially in chapter 4: ¹⁸There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear...

And it got me thinking - if perfect loves drives out fear, then what if the way I love others help cast out there fears? Not that I will ever love with perfect love - but what if I tried? Chris never ceases to amaze me. He turns a loving ear to me time after time after time after time again. And if you're not married, please don't chalk that up to my good fortune and poor you. Instead, learn from it, as I am trying to myself. Regardless of our life circumstances, the ways we have been formed, the habits we have picked up, or lies we have chosen to believe - do not let your heart deceive you - perfect love casts out fear.

I wondered if God could use me to be that for someone?

Side note: I rarely title my blogs the way I think they should be nor have any clue how to drive traffic to this site. But to my few readers, for whom I am grateful, I pray the take-away from any silly thing I write is that you would want to read God's word, bow before our loving Savior, seeking his direction and receiving his love.

Eat, Pray, Love - for Christians, too!

2010-08-25T09:26:00.011-05:00

Yesterday I went wild. My husband picked me up from work and these words came out of my mouth before I even knew what I was saying, "let's do something fun!" I would guess that since the day I found out I was pregnant these have not been my top-pick words. More like, let's go home, I'm tired, I'm going to bed. But not yesterday, call it a gift from the third trimester angels, but I had a burst of energy that had us heading straight to see... Eat, Pray, Love! Yet another reason why my husband is the best - it was his suggestion.

So, the big response I have heard from my Christian people is that this movie's demise is when the main character discovers that to find god she must realize that she is god. God is in her. Ok, so, yes, I know and have known for years that this is a very common practice of viewing God. But, because I know I am not God, nor that I would ever want to be God, I enjoyed viewing the movie not from ways it should have been Christian - I enjoyed viewing it from ways Christians can learn from this movie. We can't expect non-Christian writers to write Christian truths into movies.

To begin, I believe that all people have a few things in common: all people experience anxiety, fear, discontentment in life in general.. and even questions/doubts in marriage. I know, i know... it can't be true. But it is. So, I'm not convinced that one has to go on a long overseas adventure to figure out how to have peace, though I imagine getting away from all things familiar could help. However, I think the goal in life is finding peace where you are. But what did I learn from the movie that could aid in that process? Especially for us upper-lower classers who can't afford to take off for a year.

In finding peace and forgiving yourself:

Praying/Meditating Daily with a group of Christian believers. Liz is forced to wake up at 4:30 each morning and go meditate with others to help ground herself in her day. This should be the goal of the church, small groups, and having Christian friends. Can you imagine going into a room early each morning and seeing your friends in there praying, too? I would guess it would be encouraging to focus on the Lord together with others who were doing the same...realizing that we all need help in focusing on the Lord.

Praying/Meditating Daily on our own. Liz makes time each day to meditate and smile from her liver. She takes a moment out of each day to ponder all that is good. As believers, taking time (i fearfully call it quiet time, as that is no longer a well-received "christian word" among believers) to spend alone with Jesus Christ (our hero and savior) to reflect on all the good that He has done, for an extended, uninterrupted amount of time, would probably do all our souls a bunch of good.

Meeting consistently with a Christian friend or mentor to encourage you. You shouldn't have to fly all the way to Bali to find a medicine man who can listen to you and encourage you. Hopefully you have a few good Christian friends or mentors in your life who can encourage you in your walk with the Lord. Others who can help you remind you that you are forgiven and that it's important to forgive others.

And most importantly (wink), stop counting calories. If anything, what Liz did in this movie was give herself the freedom to enjoy life. The trials of life will never escape you, as Liz learned. There is pain, fear, insecurity, and restlessness wherever you go. But there is always hope. And the best way to realize this is to also let yourself off the hook and enjoy what God has created for our enjoyment (i.e. pizza, nature, beauty, people, love, laughter, grace...the list goes on and on...).

A wise person once said - wherever you go, there you are. I believe that is true. But as a Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ, I also believe that wherever I go - grace abounds, love is given, and I am seen as wonderful in the eyes of my creator.

I hope you see the movie. I hope you see the truths that are in it that could encourage you in your Christian walk. I hope you see that our walk with Jesus is one that continues daily and that there is hope even when we may feel trapped.

And finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't say, that marriage seems to be a journey and so seems to be life. I believe it's best to make those 2 journeys work hand in hand.

Have you seen this movie? Thoughts?

Christians vs Christians

2010-08-05T10:25:00.015-05:00

If you google Anne Rice + Christianity you are going to find an interesting update. She no longer wants to be associated with Christianity. Really she doesn't want to be associated any longer with "having" to be anti-gay, anti-feminist, anti-democrat, etc. But what I really think that she is saying is that she doesn't want to have to hate homosexuality, hate feminism, or even hate democrats to "be a Christian". I think, unfortunately, that some Christians represent a hatred for these people. I believe there can be a hatred toward sin in general, never towards a person.

I wonder why Anne felt the need to declare so publicly and vehemently that she no longer wants to be associated with Christians. And why the need to make it so public? Perhaps because she truly wants to be dissociated with Christianity, perhaps she was going to lose money if she didn't make a statement so strong. Perhaps because she is a talented communicator, so why stop at novels?

So, Christians, my question is to you (to me) how do we represent Christianity? Are you homophobic, do you hate democrats, do you hate other believers? If we've answered yes to any of these questions, I imagine we've helped form the line of people who contributed to Anne's exit from Christianity. Hate is never ever going to lead someone closer to Christ. Hate is never going to bond the body of Christ even closer.

Should Christians be afraid to have convictions, beliefs, or take stances against sin? I think not. But do I think Christians should be the first to love the sinner? If we want to be like Jesus, then yes.

Sigh. I didn't want to title this "good Christians vs bad Christians". I don't believe there is any such thing. Just wanted to say that people are impressionable, as are you, and it's not always just worldly versus spiritual. I believe within the spiritual realm there are believers who are tugging you one way and another. Who do you surround yourself with? Do you leave discouraged or more judgmental towards others? I say that slowly but surely, the more you lean on the thoughts of people, the quicker your chance of "leaving the faith." Sticking closer to Christ and imitating him ought to be a good solution to living out what you really believe. Not what others have convinced you of otherwise.

Thoughts?

tears falling like black eyed peas

2010-07-27T12:18:00.013-05:00

Sigh. Things are getting crazy. It's the 2nd time this week that I have cried when I heard the song "I've got a feelin', that tonight's gonna be a good night..." by the Black Eyed Peas. Cried.

On Friday when I heard it I understood when the tears came because I had my 2 friends coming into town. And, well, that night was going to be a great night. But yesterday, on my walk, when Pandora chose it for me to hear, I just walked, pumped my arms, and...cried. Thoughts swam through my head.

I wish this song had been played at my wedding reception.

I wish I was teaching an aerobics class where I could really blare this song.

I hope my friends will throw me and my husband a surprise 10 year anniversary party where they put together a coordinated dance to this song. (we've been married a year a half)

I wish I could dance all the time like there's nothing else in the world that matters.

But then of course, the song ended, and some dumb song came on and my tears dried up. The moral of the story, though, is that I was crying. And I'm not sure Fergie nor Will.I.Am would have approved.

Am I the only one that cries when I hear the black eyed peas? No. No way! Certainly not...

happy tuesday!

The bathroom sink

2010-07-22T14:21:00.014-05:00

My big weekend starts tonight. I have some good friends driving in from Louisianna and staying with me this evening. They leave tomorrow morning and then tomorrow afternoon I pick up two of my besties from the airport. They are flying in from Florida. I. Cannot.Wait. All 4 of these visitors are wonderful friends. All 4 were somehow involved in my wedding (program-passer-outer, guitarist, bridesmaids). Each one hold a very significant place in my life, in my heart, and in my husband's heart and life, as well. These people are like family. They know me and love me anyways. They are in every sense true friends. But, their presence in my home also brings with it a bit of, how do I put it, disdain. Why?

Because I have to clean my bathroom.

This bathroom, to me, is like a vampire-ridden forest. It's like a pond where I think there are sharks swimming around. Having to clean a bathroom is like seeing a house on fire, I'm afraid to go in. And I certainly don't want to clean what needs to be cleaned. Perhaps handling it like a fire would actually be easier, taking a simple hose to it ought to get the job done just as well.

Besides, I cleaned the bathroom like 3 weeks ago. Why do I need to do it again? I mean, are they even going to notice the mold? the dirt?! the toothpaste that is smeared on the counter? I mean, what are my friends, bathroom inspectors?!?!?

But, of course, this morning, I was on my knees scrubbing that bathtub, wiping down the bathroom sink and counter, and even cleaned the toilet. And, per usual, a thought crossed my mind. And here it is:

When I did do a major clean 3 weeks ago, it was major. Sparing you the details, there was just a lot to clean, but once I was done, the sparkle shined so bright we had to put our shades on. So, complaining about cleaning it today was pretty pitiful. It really wasn't that bad. All I had to do was wipe away what had accumulated since the last cleaning. In the end, my horror ended about 8.2 minutes after I stepped through the door.

**HUGE, GIGANTIC STRETCH HERE**

What it caused me to ponder, was the life of the believer. In a pinch, we can have our lives filled right back up with a huge wad of hair in our pipes or an inch high layer of scum on our hearts. All of which must be cleaned out so that we can shine our best light for the Light of the world. The more often we do it, the more consistently we can shine.

Because of the effect of sin on our lives, we all needed a good washing/scrubbing/removing of the sin that so easily entangled us. Christ made that cleaning possible. It seems the best way to continue to lead a dirt-free life is to keep a quick watch, making sure that little hints of sin that creep in are removed quickly so that we can do little maintenance checks without having to turn ourselves in for a total repair.

Because of the nature of mankind, the temptation is there to put off taking a look inward to see what needs to be cleaned. My suggestion, should this be where you are, would be to step away from your routine, take a deep breath, remember what the Lord has done, and read the scripture that always cleans my heart. Most recently, Deuteronomy 8.

From my clean bathroom to yours. Love.

Olive, our little one in the making

2010-07-13T10:03:00.014-05:00

Someone told me the other day that creating a child is not a miracle. No matter how often I think about this and try to see their point, I still can't come to that conclusion on my own. In this person's defense, it does (or can) make sense. The process of creating a child has been designed by our Creator. And it does happen "all the time" - so in this person's mind, it does not make it a miracle. There is no design for raising someone from the dead - therefore, I certainly agree that a resurrection is a miracle. A person raising from the dead would be a miracle, this person would say, but creating a child and delivering one is not.

Yet, again, I cannot come to this conclusion on my own. When I think about the fact that there are two heartbeats inside me, I cannot come to that conclusion. When I think about the fact that not every parent gets to see their baby face-to-face, I cannot come to this conclusion. When I think about the fact that the baby-making formula does not work every time for every person, I cannot come to this conclusion.

I believe that creating life is a miracle. Olive is a miracle. Her little kicks, her little movements, her little life in the making is a miracle.

Oh, and if you didn't know, my husband and I are expecting a baby girl this November. And we cry like it's a miracle.

Thank you, Jesus.

Be of love a little more careful than of anything. - e.e. cummings

The solution for the selfish soul.

2010-07-12T12:04:00.021-05:00

What would you say is the hardest part about being a Christian? Talk amongst yourself.

For me, it's an easy answer. It's being a reflection of Christ. Ugh! I find this the hardest part because I'm mostly not a great reflection. It's like if Christ is a brand new BMW, I can only reflect him enough to look like a 1998 Toyota Corolla (still a good working machine, but not as nice). It seems I can't muster up enough to positively, accurately, or, at times, even hint at reflecting that of our humble God, Jesus. I just can't do it.

Thank God that I can't. Because then I wouldn't need a savior. I could just walk around being my selfish self, reflecting myself, and assuming I am how all should be. What a devastating, pathetic life that could be.

So as part of the honor of being Christ's reflection is our opportunity to imitate Him. This can be a sigh of relief for you - oh troubled, selfish soul. Because, as Christians, we are not called to be like ____________ (fill in the blank jerk guy) instead we are called to be like Christ. Who was definitely not a jerk, but a humble servant.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. (phl. 2:3)

Do you consider others better than yourselves? If you do not, what do you fear? In a world where we are to be "all that we can be" - perhaps even at the cost of another person - I can see how this verse may not be all that "practical" today. It's easy today for a Christian to stand having one arm pulled by the world and one arm pulled by the spirit. But, let's read on to see why the words from Philippians might be the better way.

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (phl. 2:4)

When was the last time you wondered how someone could benefit from something you could do for them? Instead of acting based on what he/she could do for you? What difference does it make to think like this? Could it be that what we believe on the inside is reflected on the outside?

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus...who, being in very nature God...made himself nothing...humbled himself...and became obedient to death...on a cross... (phl. 2:5-11)

I urge you to read this passage in its entirety and deduce for yourself the kind of humble nature Christ presented and why in the world that could be a better life to live.

Philippians 2:1-11 reveals a lot of my double-, triple-, quadrupley- underlined verses. Imitating Christ, making myself nothing, being obedient, and looking to the interest of others does not come naturally. I need the reminder day after day after day.

And thankfully, Christ's mercy over us is new day after day. Therefore, reflecting on Christ, His example, His sacrifice should lead us not only to repentance, but I pray it would be our natural, spirit-led response to be more like Him.

Life: Spectator vs Player

2010-06-23T10:11:00.017-05:00

I classify myself as a thinker. Not so much a philosopher or as one who thinks up incredibly deep thoughts, but I am always thinking. The day that I stop thinking will be the day I no longer live. But then I'll just be dancing all day (which is what I prefer to be doing now).

With that being said, a recurring thought that runs through my mind often is am I a spectator or a player in this thing called life. If you've ever played a sport that had any fans at all, you know what spectators are. They are the ones who are there to watch you with a desire for you to make sure their team wins. They're the ones that scream at the refs, offer their "help" as they yell at you to change whatever it is you're doing. "Center the ball!" "Turn around" "Don't pass it there!" Followed by a long drawn out yelp of disappointment if you didn't heed their instruction. The spectators are the ones who for whatever reason are not in the game.

So what's a spectator of life? In short, I think it's someone who watches life instead of having a personal stake in it. As far as I can tell there aren't bleachers where I can sit and simply scream what I think people should do in their lives. But there is always my chair in my office or a facebook page I can scour or the pews at church (for your viewing pleasure as you critique the music or preacher) or simply in the comfort of your own home, where possibly a lot of critiquing, offering of "better" solutions, or simply judging something that happened that day can happen. This is what I believe constitutes a person as a life spectator.

And then there are the life players. These are the ones who are putting themselves out there, following after what they want and believe they ought to do, offering very little apology, and typically not listening for the approval or disapproval of his or her fans.

To me, there is a monumental chasm between the two sides. I believe a player has specific goals and knows (or at least tries) to make his life about achieving them. I also believe a spectator may not have concrete goals, he may be more of an observer, and (how do I say it without sounding like a critiquing spectator) probably lacks some level of self-confidence to get out there and just get in the game for him or herself.

The truth is for each one of us is that the world does not need anymore spectators. Each one of us have been gifted specifically to do wonderful things (big or small) that only we can accomplish with our own set of gifts, personality, motivation, and style.

Like Jillian Michaels (the freakishly overzealous fitness trainer on TV) would scream "WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK?!? GET OFF THE BLEACHERS AND GET INTO THE GAME YOURSELF!!"

If you are a spectator, perhaps it's time to take your eyes off the lives of others and do some soul-searching to discover what your life is supposed to be about...

So, where are you?

Wednesday

2010-06-02T08:50:00.011-05:00

Some mornings I just want to write. I would say every morning I do, but I don't always have anything to write about. But today, I don't really have anything to write about, but I am going to write anyways. So there.

So last night before I fell asleep I read a few tweets. Am I embarrassed to tell you that I "follow" Ashton Kutcher and even his wife, Mrs. Kutcher (Demi, of course) on Twitter. Well, sorta. But obviously not enough to not mention it. The other celebrity I follow is Conan. And I supposed it was his final tweet that most likely swirled me into the following dream state.

(Much like most dreams, I will not be able to truly describe it like the way I dreamt it. But I am confident that I was somewhere and so was Conan.)

The setting was like a coffee shop at night. There were small tables with few chairs at each one. This coffee shop, though, was in a basement. A safe basement with people mingling here and there. However, the person that was sitting at my table was Conan. My husband was there, too, but he was allowing me the opportunity to form the friendship with Co-Co that I had always wanted.

So we sat at the table and had all the same jokes and it turned out that Conan O'B was no longer a celebrity, but we were friends. He was not an untouchable. I was actually making him laugh.

And, I think that's it.

The point of the story is two-fold. One is that the Twitter phenomenon is wild to me. We feel we are truly connected with celebrities since we keep up with them in the palm of our hands. Though the reality is that if he or she ever saw me in person he would have no clue who I was. The other more important point of my dream is one that I hope I am perfectly clear on - I want Conan O'Brien to think I'm funny.

And that's the deep thought for the day. Because now I'm awake and it's time to work.

Puzzled: making the pieces fit

2010-05-23T16:28:00.013-05:00

I have had the sheer enjoyment the past few weeks of being a Dallas Seminary graduate. To some of you, this accomplishment of mine means nothing (which is fine), to others you know what all it entails, and for others you may still be in the midst of pursuing your own degree from wherever. (Allow me to say to you what many said to me: keep going, it will be worth it once you're done.)

Now that papers and due dates have become words of the past, I have time to do something I haven't done in 6 years. I chose to begin an activity that includes 1000 pieces of utter chaos (in the beginning). This activity comes together slowly and indefinitely but certainly and with time the pieces that I stare at with great disdain will create a lovely picture. I speak of a puzzle. This puzzle:

It's a beautiful puzzle that is a bit traumatizing at times. There are 4 seasons to contend with, 3 hamsters, 4 birds, and 6 buildings all sitting in different locations. I sometimes only work on it for 5 minutes before needing an break from its intensity. I typically feel like the puzzle is working me, not me working it. My neck and shoulders become uptight and I know the chance of me finding the puzzle piece that I am actually looking for is very slim. Alas, it's all in good fun.

But a few life lessons have been found in this puzzle. One is that generally the piece that I think I am looking for is not the one that actually fits. Though I search high and low, when I find the piece that fits it looks nothing like what I thought. What?! It's not blue with a tree branch in it? No, it's not. The puzzle typically fools me and enjoys making a fool out of me. Turns out the piece that fits has barely any blue in it. But, by golly, it fits.

Perhaps another life lesson is the common mistake of overlooking the needed piece you have looked at 100 times. Almost daily, after scanning what seems to be every single piece, I will irrationally determine that I bought a faulty puzzle. But before I call the manufacturer, what do you know? I find the piece that fits and it might as well have been sitting on the tip of my nose.

There is a reason I find these to be practical life lessons to consider. As a nearly 30 year old, I am surrounded by friends who have adjusted alongside me to the "so this is what life is really like?" discovery. Our childhood and early adult days were filled with dreams of successful careers, princes (er...husbands) arriving on white horses, hopes of easy life transitions, perfect friendships, and rarely did we ever dream of disappointment. If our future lives had been defined with puzzle pieces, there would have been 6 pieces that would have been easy to find and would have fit together perfectly.

We've spent years looking for something else instead of realizing that what we wanted (or simply what was best for us) was in front of our face the whole time.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) all of our lives are made of possibly millions of puzzle pieces. Some days are filled with easy sections where the pieces fit beautifully together and other days are filled with pieces that take time to see how they would ever fit in the big picture for good.

This is, by no means, a prompting to lower your dreams and expectations or settle into the fact that life is tough, but moreso to appreciate the puzzle pieces you have before you and accept that they might not fit into life the way you had once imagined.

Finally, trying to complete a puzzle quickly is not a good idea. I always need to take breaks since it gets overwhelming and frustrating! However, I would never give up on it because at the very least, I know that every single piece I need is right in front of me. They will eventually all fit into place, but it might not be today...or tomorrow.

No, you might not see all the pieces of your life puzzle right now. But I believe that it will all be used for good and for a purpose. We have to trust that every single piece of our lives will be used to create a beautiful picture in the end. Maybe today or tomorrow.

Appreciate what you have today. Tomorrow has enough troubles of its own. Let's carry on with great hope, knowing we are promised it will all make beautiful sense, though we might not be the ones who see that quite yet. There is One who does.

Romans 8:28; Jeremiah 29:11; Matthew 6:24

Do you tweet?

2010-05-14T15:03:00.022-05:00

The Internet still confuses me. Though I have been a user for the past 16 years (is that possible?) I still feel like I don't completely get the new trends. One of course is blogging. Another is tweeting. Another if facebook. Obviously I like all 3 of these things, as you can trace me back to any of them and see that I interact with all of them on a regular basis. But from time to time, I sit back and think what in the world am I doing? Who in the world am I writing to and why in the world am I reading the daily thoughts of people I would never talk to (unless I ran into them on the streets). There is the occasional moment where I think to myself, now that was helpful or that was encouraging. But most of the time, I think to myself quite the opposite, like why do I keep wasting my time?

Since the beginning of time, dinner conversations have included, "Can I get you more water, can you pass me the potatoes?" Now, dinner conversations cannot exist without the question, "do you tweet?" At any given table where this is asked (at least in my life) the majority say yes with only a few die-hards still resisting, some acting like they don't care (while I suppose they secretly read tweets to keep up with others).

As I process the roles of these communication mediums from my very average understanding of the new trends in technology, I do wonder, why are we all doing it? What is the reason? For what purpose in the world do we tweet? And at what point in our trying-to-be-cool and keeping-up-with-whoever lives did we all collectively decide that doing something identified by the sound of a bird is socially acceptable?

I look forward to the day with the progression of technology when we all sit around the dinner table and ask one another "do you oink?" "do you bark?" "do you growl your thoughts on the Internet?"

Well, why yes, I do. Do you?

My only conclusion to the youtwitface era (thank you, Conan, for the abbreviation) is that the reason tweeting, facebooking, blogging, and you-tubing are so successful is because we the people who have longed to be known, famed, considered wise, thought-provoking, and clever, have finally found an outlet to share the sometimes interesting, sometimes mundane thoughts we have always had but have never had anyone to tell.

I guess my only purpose in writing this is to remind all of us Twits that we are lucky to have these mediums where we can type to millions of people at once. Hopefully, the sense of entitlement, pride, or my-thoughts-are-better-than-yours are not your motivation. If so, if that's what your thoughts have become, then the mediums by which we finally have our voices heard have officially become resounding gongs and clanging cymbals. Our precious tweets and updates have become noise, noise, noise.

Tweet well, people.

1 cor 13:1

Negative Thinking

2010-04-18T09:45:00.007-05:00

At times I think it's safe to say that life can be summed up in 3 words. You never know. You never know at an early age who you will marry or even if you will marry. You never know exactly what the effects early decisions will have on your life later on. You never know how much money you will make in your first job or how much money you will need to survive. You never know if your baby will be healthy, if you'll be able to get pregnant, or if you've been unable to get pregnant, you never know if there will be a time of success. You never know where you might live in the future. You never know if your car will get in an accident and you never know if the driver who hits you will deny that there was an accident. You never know.

I guess this is what keeps life interesting.

Sometimes you never know if your mind is going to trick you. You never know if one day your mind is going to have you believe that all things are peachy keen and then the next day (or perhaps for the next few years) your mind becomes a trap of negativity. Negative thinking must be a popular and even age-old concept. You can go to any bookstore and find some great books on positive thinking now but even Paul in the Bible encourages the Phillippians to set their mind on praiseworthy things (Phil 4). There must have been some negative thinking to overcome even back in the day.

The point is that just yesterday I spent the day shopping around with my beloved husband. We went to breakfast, Ikea, and the mall and the entire time we walked around my head was full of negativity. I could even tell in the moment that my exterior was portraying my internal thoughts, I was not laughing nor did I feel lighthearted. I was a perfect blend of hmphs and blahs. This does not make for the most fun person to shop with. (sorry, chris)

I have talked to people about my tendencies towards negative thinking and one counselor suggested treating every negative thought with a kung-fu kick (imagine karate chopping the thought before it got there). That didn't exactly do it for me.

But this morning I read a good article with a similar idea that works a little better for me. Hiring a gatekeeper. I've decided mine is going to be Shaquille O'Neal. He's going to intercept every attempt for a negative thought to be slam dunked into my head. And he's going to barrel all 3000 pounds of himself into every thought so that nothing gets by.

I hope you read the article on gatekeeping and maybe even pass it along to a friend who might struggle with negativity. I believe it's a real issue in this life. Perhaps because I know it is in mine.

I forgot to give thanks

2010-04-13T11:44:00.003-05:00

A while back, I encouraged you and myself to start a list of things to be thankful for. Well wouldn't you know, that list buried itself into the blog where I mentioned it and has yet to emerge. It's interesting, because if you know me, you know that I tend to a negative view of life. Instead of being 28 and feeling young, I feel life is almost over. Instead of being thankful for the job I have, I desire a job that would be more "me." Instead of thanking God for the clothes on my back, I walk around wishing I could keep up with the trends. Again, most would call me "glass half...EMPTY." That's me.

I went to a doctor a few weeks ago to check on my allergies. The topic of anxiety came up and believe it or not, my medically trained doctor, suggested I keep a list of things for which I am thankful. I just shook my head as I walked out of her office. I wonder if that list will ever really help.

But the list is not the problem. In an instant, I could list out for you all the very obvious things for which I'm thankful. My husband, family, health, friends, job, finances, car, clothes, weather, safety, etc. etc. It's my attitude. My attitude is stuck on me. Which means, I'm never going to be completely thankful.

Thankfully, though, my bible study is going through Phillipians and we are studying chapter 2 this week. And it's about imitating Christ's humility.

Phl 2:3-4: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

I would offer that if you are struggling to be thankful it might be because your focus is far from others and firmly planted on yourself. I don't know too many people who struggle with this like I do, so perhaps this is just an open journal for my personal problem :)

But I long to imitate Christ's humility, to do nothing out of selfish ambition, and to look to the interests of others.

That's where I will start today.

Black & White

2010-03-25T08:56:00.003-05:00

I don't breathe when I'm putting on mascara. So, I obviously don't spend a ton of time putting it on, but I realized today that my body's automatic response to mascara is to hold perfectly still. Goodness gracious. I find this ridiculous.

Last night I had the privilege of meeting with a girl from a class I taught this past semester at my church. She is 8 (almost 9) years younger than me, so it was interesting to listen to her talk about life from her perspective. She, for better or for worse, reminded me of...me.

The part that stuck out, though, was that she and I agreed that we don't want to hear people whine. (Bear with me...) That if there's a problem, fix it. If there's a solution, find it. If there is pain, don't feel it...just do something about it. As I was listening to her express similar sentiments that I have felt in my life I decided to ask her, "do you ever cry?" And she went on to say yes, but that she hates to, since it's a sign of weakness.

You can never script these things, since you can rarely ever exactly predict what people will say - including your own self. After asking her if I could share how I felt, I shared. I told her that I, too, used to (and still tend to) feel the same way towards life. That at some point I decided it was more important for me to move forward without feeling. But as I grow older, I'm not seeing this as a positive outlook for life, but more of a debilitating one.

Life is not black and white. It just isn't. And if we look at it like that, we miss a lot of the wonder of the grey as well as the moments of color. I imagine there are certain things that are clearly black and white (right and wrong) but for most of us sinful beings there is a lot of gray. That gray to me is the time in our lives when we are still growing, still learning, still deciding what it is we believe or how we are going to live.

As someone who is prone to just see in black and white and grow more and more frustrated with the grays and missing the colors, I realize that this will keep a safe distance from most people, from most moments, and from most opportunities to feel love, to give love, or to simply learn something.

My body's automatic response to mascara is to stop breathing. My mind's automatic response to the future/unknown is fear. My heart's automatic response to genuine love is that this can't be real.

But this morning, when I realized that I wasn't breathing, I practiced breathing while I put it on.

Though we are creatures of habit, we are not enslaved to our habits. Especially when we have a gracious Father in Heaven who wants us to see life and live life abundantly...and whose strength is greater than ours.

I urge you (and me) to let go of the barriers, walls, or protective measures that have been built so high that we no longer allow ourselves to feel, we just do. We don't want to become robots. (Though highly functional, they're made of metal and not all that cute anyways.)

1 John 4:19 - We love because he first loved us.

March Resolutions

2010-03-08T13:18:00.004-06:00

So why do we have to start New Year's Resolutions in January anyways? Yes, I know, I know. It's easier to keep up with the 2010 calendars. Yes, it's easier to see that I started my resolutions on January 1st and started giving them up on, well, January 17th. So, yes, it is nice for that reason, I can knock the whole thing out in January (making of and breaking of resolutions, that is).

But I'm here to tell you there is a new sheriff in town. At least on this blog. I am trying out 2 things this month that I know fit in the "try something new" category of resolutions. So, here I am in March, trying something new.

One is that I just signed up to play co-ed indoor soccer with some people here in Dallas. I know 2 of the players, which is not usually my favorite form of starting something new. I like to know everyone. I like to have their skill level tested and appraised by me. I like to know that I am going to be the best on the team. But see, this is not possible this time. I'm just going to play. Why? Because I want to ... and I know I should. Even I've heard enough complaining from me about never trying anything new. So, here I go. The Jackhammer* is back.

Chris and I actually bought a soccer ball this weekend from Target ($9.99, a steal). And he had me doing drills like he wanted me in the Olympics. I ran, I kicked, I used my left foot and my right, and well, after about 15 minutes I was done. I forgot how tiring soccer is.

The other new thing I'm doing is going to an all-day photography/camera training this month. It's called Nikon School. I am going to rent a Nikon from DTS for 3 weeks, go to this class, and let the good times roll. I've always wanted to take a photography class. And finally, I am taking one.

The only reason for which I write these updates are because 1) I'm excited!! and 2) because I haven't done anything new (with the exception of getting married) in quite some time. So, if you're wanting to try something new...but perhaps are waiting for next January to make it official. I say, nah. Do it soon! I'll keep you posted.

*oh, just an old high school nickname from my coach. not sure it is still an accurate name.

My husband.

2010-02-26T16:34:00.002-06:00

Photo taken by the great photographer JD Lemming:

Olympics anyone?

2010-02-26T12:42:00.005-06:00

Chris and I have been glued to the television every night between approximately 9:00pm and 11:00pm. Though this makes for more difficult mornings, we have enjoyed the friendly, worldly competition nonetheless.

A couple of life lessons have been popping out at me each time we watch. I have done no further research on these observations, but I think there is something to be learned from every person that puts themselves out there at the worldwide Olympics.

1. Mental Discipline. Every time a skater falls I expect them to stay on the ground, slam their fist into the ice, and start crying. But every time a skater falls in the Olympics, they carry on with their program as though it didn't happen. Though, I'm sure they are well aware of it.

2. Determination. Ok, if my mom died the week of the Olympics, I'm not sure I would be able to perform. But I believe that these athletes are so wired to stay strong in the midst of adversity that the beautiful skater from Canada can continue even though she lost one of the most important people in her life.

3. Voice Distinction. When those skiers fly high into the air and carry out a multitude of spins, twists, and twists and spins, you hear a voice yelling at them. At first, I thought, little jerky spectator trying to distract the skier. Instead, this is the coach yelling directions to give the skier direction in the midst of losing it as he does the spins and twists.

4. Reality. These athletes give all they have knowing that only 1 person will receive the gold and 2 will receive the other medals. Not everyone will win gold. Actually, only 1 can. Yet, they give all they have to offer and then accept the score which they were given. (some do this far more gracefully than others). And though they might not win the gold, they are still the best from their country.

I might someday later come back and connect the dots to where I think this applies in my life, in my Christian walk, and with the realities that come with being at this certain place for this certain time of my life.

But maybe you can ponder it, too. See where you land.

Have a great weekend.

the pony is back!

2010-02-24T11:51:00.002-06:00

how to live?

2010-02-19T11:59:00.015-06:00

You know, I'm a person just like you. Sometimes I hate that. Sometimes I wish I were superhuman: always accomplishing things well, speaking well, knowing all, encouraging others, letting cars in when they need to change lanes, etc. etc. But see, I'm human. And I'm also a Christian. And sometimes I sit around and think how do these things co-exist? Are they 2 separate parts of me? Can I be both at the same time? Theologically speaking (and physiologically speaking) yes, we are made up of flesh and spirit. By God's grace, we are saved, in spite of our sin. And the less time I spend reading God's word, the more I learn "how to live" from the media, television, magazines, and other marketing-driven things. I fall prey to the world.

Last night at bible study, one of my friends asked me if things "work out for me" when i rely on my own strength. And I answered yes. We were created by God so we can expect to accomplish great things with or without him, but submitting to the one who created me is far better than working out of my own strength. Why? Because I didn't create myself. I actually don't know what's best for me like the one who created me. I have to remind myself of this constantly.

So, the Bible. The B-I-B-L-E. A book that perhaps has been dumbed down to cute songs? Perhaps it has become your best decoration in your house. Perhaps it's your best coaster on your coffee table? Whatever it has become to you, let me tell you, it works best when it's open and your eyes and heart gaze upon it.

All that to say, Ephesians 4 is my favorite book in the bible right now. Ephesians 4 penetrates my heart and mind to the core. It is teaching me how to live and how to encourage others when they seek guidance from me (the 1 or 2 times a year).

Ephesians is written by Paul. Not from his mansion, not from his hot tub, not from his cozy office at the church. Paul writes from PRISON. (If you have never been to prison Prison Mike can tell you all about it.) But really, prison is supposed to bring to mind for us non-prisoners a lack of freedom, and images of slavery, and containment. Paul wrote from prison, though, and he didn't write for someone to slip him cigarettes. He urged the Ephesians to lead a life worthy of [their] calling, for [they had been] called by God.

If you don't feel called to anything in particular, perhaps simply meditating on Ephesians 2 may be calling enough for you (and me) for now.

Be humble and gentle.

Be patient with each other,

making allowance for each other's faults

because of your love.

I urge you (not from prison, but from my office) to dwell on these words for the weekend.

this morning

2010-02-12T11:45:00.001-06:00

caution.

2010-02-11T14:40:00.002-06:00

Snow!

2010-02-11T10:12:00.001-06:00

And it's still coming down...

Followers

2010-02-10T10:43:00.014-06:00

In this day and age we know some of the people who are following us. I don't mean stalkers following you on your way home from work, but friends and family who read your blogs, follow you on twitter, or stay connected to your life via facebook. We have followers and we know it. I wonder if this knowledge has changed us at all.

I believe as people made in the image of God, we long to be praised. We want to be followed because we want recognition. We tend to feel entitled. Some of us crave fame, acceptance, and love for ourselves and some of us would never admit that. And some of us only ever want peace, even at the cost of never sharing how it is we really feel.

On the flip side of recognition is humbleness. Humbleness is an interesting thing though. It is usually interpreted to mean that we are kind to others, we don't speak up, we never accept compliments or have been taught to deflect them and we are careful with our every word and deed. These are great efforts. I have seen humbleness exemplified in many people.

In this day and age, we are busy people with lots of things going on. Besides just getting our work done and trying to stay in shape, we want to be known, we want to be loved, and we want to be great at what we do. In a nutshell, we don't actually want to be human. Because being human means that what we want doesn't always happen the way we want it to which inevitably translates into disappointment and unmet expectations. Which tends to lead to "life is unfair" thinking which ultimately points to an "unloving God." Which may even lead us to a feeling of entitlement for a fair life, so we take the reigns of life and try to figure it out as we go. All the while, people are following us all along the way.

People are following you. But they always have been it's just that now you know some of the ones who are. All I'm asking you, as I ask myself the same thing, is to what or who does your life point? To what or who does your attitude point? To what or who do your actions, your money, your words point?

I, too, want recognition. I want to be re-tweeted, quoted, considered clever and wise. I want all this and more. I'm still waiting for Conan to ask me to go on the road with him as his clever little sidekick. My bags are packed.

But as we consider Christ, and his pure command for us to go and make disciples, I believe his intention for disciple-making was for his glory and his renown and not our own.

Your life does point to something. Your life does reveal something about our savior. Gratefully, none of us can escape the fact that we were fearfully and wonderfully made. We are wonderfully made. And we are still human, and that's a good thing. This levels the playing field among all of us here on earth.

I pray we would desire to live lives full of grace not only for others, but for ourselves. I pray your followers are pointed in the right direction as they follow you. And for your sake, too, I pray that whoever you are following is pointing you in the way that brings glory to our saviour.

Love = Shannon + Andy = Shandy

2010-02-08T11:20:00.004-06:00

Have I ever mentioned how much I love love? Well, I love love. I love that love is not what you would ever expect it to be. I love that love sneaks up on you and grabs you when you aren't looking. I love that love grows and deepens and challenges you all along the way. I love that you can love and be loved differently. I love that there is no magic formula for love. Though, the one I think that works best is You x God's Love For You = More Love to Share and Receive.

I love love. And here we see one way Andy loves Shannon and how Shannon loves Andy... and that's why it's so wonderful to announce their engagement and so honoring to be a part of their lives.

To my newly engaged friends, always remember that God is love! And we love because He first loved us.

the highs and lows

2010-02-04T14:00:00.020-06:00

So, living in Dallas has been a shock to my system...and closet. I moved here (oh so many years ago) with a car full of nothing but Florida clothes. It was a fun trip here. I remember it fondly. My mom, me, and the open road. What I remember most about that trip was when I looked at my mom and said, "I really don't want to go." And she suggested tempting ideas like staying in Gulf Breeze and working at Starbucks so I could be there when my niece, Gracie, was born. If you know me, you know that I still found my way to Dallas. I'm still here. I digress.

So, I came with a backseat full of great clothes! T-shirts, shorts, bathing suits, flip flops, jeans, tank tops, light jackets, and something that somewhat resembled (in aesthetics but not in reality) a "winter" coat. Oh, I remember that first winter. It was freezing. I nearly cried every time I had to go outside. I never had socks, boots, or real sweaters. I just had to layer thin shirt over thin shirt and pray that it would soon be summer.

I can't help but mention a favorite memory here. There was only one other person who ever felt my frigid, helpless, wardrobe-unready pain, and that was Radha. We knew times were tough when I had to go to her car on a very cold day and pull out one of her sweaters and a jacket (and possibly even socks) from her dresser she called a trunk. It was cold and I was not adapting. My friends and family in Florida had never looked so warm to me.

Fast-forward to summer. Blazing hot. Again, unadjusted to the new temperatures, I would go running at 1pm and breathe in fire. My face would catch on fire. I would return feeling nearly dead. Dallas equaled horrible weather.

Now it's been nearly 6 years and I have it nearly figured out. One week it's cold, the next week it's warmer, and then the next week it snows. The good thing is I have warmer clothes now. I even have Uggs (thank you, friend!). But I wouldn't be me if I ever had my act completely together...It's raining today and I don't have an umbrella.

My only life analogy here is that life is much like the weather in Dallas. Highs and lows. My highs used to send me soaring off rooftops (onto other rooftops) and my lows had me mushed into a sewer. As time goes on I've learned the proper attire for every occasion. I complain less in the winter if I have a warm coat and boots. I enjoy Dallas more knowing that, at the very least, the warmth is coming... in its blazing way.

There are always ways to enjoy and/or survive the highs and lows. Part of our survival will be made easier as we remember that when life is low God gives strength to those who are weak. And let us not forget that when times are good, God is there, too, holding us close.

couldn't have drawn it better:

2010-02-01T11:30:00.005-06:00

check it out!

2010-01-28T08:55:00.004-06:00

Thanks to a dedicated grapesintowine reader, Rebecca, I discovered this website today, where I found this great tagline:

Smart is the new sexy. Awkward is the new cool. Flawed is the new beautiful.

Awesome.

traffic reports

2010-01-27T08:38:00.015-06:00

I noticed this morning as I was driving into work, that when the traffic updates come on the radio, I completely tune-out. Unless it's telling me about huge wreckage at the corner of Live Oak and Haskell (which it never does), it really doesn't effect me. My drive to work is very anti-climactic. From time to time, there's a traffic light out or a car driving the same speed as me, making it hard for me to pass it (to which I growl in frustration). Most days, if it's not cloudy, the sun is so bright it blinds me. I literally drive blinded with the sun in my eyes and so do the other two cars that are around me We are all driving blinded! But we always make it through safely because visors usually do the trick.

This morning there was this precious little, pant-sagging kid crossing the street. I must have had the traffic report up too loud because I didn't hear what the man in the car next to me yelled at him. I only saw the kid look at the man, half-heartedly laugh, and then even more half-heartedly attempt to pull up his pants. Once he crossed the street the kid looked back at the man in the car and smiled. I think they knew eachother.

What I'm trying to say is not much happens on my way to work. I'm only panicked because I'm late, but other than that, it's usually a smooth ride.

So, I don't have to listen to the traffic update.

On the other hand, if I were going to take the highway and I had a 30 minute drive, I'd probably turn that dial up. I need to know how to get around it.

Are you sensing my life analogy? I believe when life has become routine, simple, predictable, or perhaps even a little too safe, it becomes a lot easier to not listen to instruction because it really doesn't affect you anymore...I'm not crossing those streets, I don't need to listen.

I would also argue that this is why we neglect to read the Bible or listen to the Lord's leading when things are...mundane. Why? Because we don't need it. It doesn't affect us.

But if something were to go wrong or I was needing direction, I would at least know I could go to the Bible to receive some instructions and encouragement.

My discovery here is two-fold. One is: do not wait until you need it to read it. The Bible is a book that helps direct you and challenge you and give you courage to do what it is you do. The other is: if you've tuned it out, make tuning back in a high priority. If you have completely tuned out the Bible, or even God, perhaps you have found a perfectly safe little nest to rest in until life ends, thus you don't need the word to guide you and direct you.

If you've been feeling a little aimless, de-challenged, or even slightly tuned-out to God, I wonder if you and I have made life a little God-less so that we can be the masters of our own domain.

I wholeheartedly believe that God loves us more than we can imagine and has a perfect plan for us. I also believe, like a friend who disappears but only shows up when he needs something, that God wants us to want him all the time. And not only that, to listen closely and enjoy the leadership He wants to offer to you.

You are not your own, you were bought with a price.

Perhaps it's time to tune back in.

mission accomplished...

2010-01-22T15:54:00.009-06:00

Well, as I was setting up for the ribbon-cutting ceremony for our new prayer chapel given by a DTS donor in honor of his great-grandson, I realized that the beautiful bow I had to put on the ribbon (pictured here) was too heavy. I huffed and puffed, trying this and that, staples, fishing wire, but nothing was working. The bow was too heavy and would droop forwards which made the whole set-up look sad. So, after about 15 minutes of trying to find other creative uses for it, it ended up in a hidden corner, unused.

I have to say, though, for all the events I have done at DTS this was my favorite. It was simple and fun and the donor who gave has all the heart in the world for prayer and evangelism. He is a wealthy man, I imagine, who uses all his resources and ideas for the glory of God.

We had our student life president speak, too, to show his appreciation on behalf of the student body and his words were so profound and sincere that a tear fell off my face. I don't usually cry at "my" events. I'm usually too worried about if everyone knows the schedule, or if they will be able to find the scissors to cut the ribbon, or at times, I'm simply noticing silly things like how great it is that Norm's tie matches the balloons.

This morning before I got to work I prayed for grace. I prayed that I would receive grace if anything went wrong. I prayed that I would give grace if anything went wrong. I prayed that I would know that the Lord was there with me... not judging me, not mad that the ribbon didn't work out just right.

I am thankful for today. I pray as you go through your own days with whatever it is that may cause you some concern that you would know that what is best is focusing on the eternal value of it all...and realizing that God will give you the grace and the eyes to see it.

here's a little bow-less, balloon-full, ribbon-cutting ceremony in action:

The audience loved it...

have a great weekend.

what my day holds...

2010-01-22T09:15:00.002-06:00

here's a little hint. more to come...

Art

2010-01-21T11:38:00.007-06:00

One of the things I love the most about my co-worker, Nancy, is that she works with the Bethesda Young Life group here in Dallas. This is a group of Young Life students who have special needs and who get to spend time with great leaders who love the Lord. In November, Nancy went to an art auction where all the students had created something artsy and the guests bid on them. Nancy bid on this for me. Which still brings me to tears. It was incredibly kind of her, supportive of the artist, and just all-around good.

I would love to share with you the piece she gave me that is placed on my desk:

I wonder if Kathy knows that her artwork cheers up my day everyday. I wonder if you know how much your life and your art cheers others up. The gift of giving something simple to others to show them you care seems to be a dying art. It doesn't have to be. Share your art, share your dreams, and with confidence, act on them. Whether it's painting ducks and butterflies, supporting a ministry, writing a blog, making a pretty card, writing a song, picking up a friend for coffee, or simply sharing with others what inspires you... whatever it is, just remember, life can be and will remain very dull if we don't add a little color and care to it.